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Before they call, I will answer

2010-08-03T17:27:00.003+08:00

Isaiah 65:24
I will answer them before they even call to me. While they are still talking about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers!

This is a story written by a doctor who worked in Africa .

One night I had worked hard to help a mother in the labor ward; but in spite of all we could do, she died, leaving us with a tiny, premature baby and a crying two-year-old daughter. We would have difficulty keeping the baby alive; as we had no incubator (we had no electricity to
run an incubator).

We also had no special feeding facilities. Although we lived on the equator, nights were often chilly withtreacherous drafts. One student midwife went for the box we had for such
babies and the cotton wool that the baby would be wrapped in.

Another went to stoke up the fire and fill a hot water bottle. She came back shortly in distress to tell me that in filling the bottle, it had burst (rubber perishes easily in tropical climates). 'And it is our last hot water bottle!' she exclaimed. As in the West, it is no good crying over spilled milk, so in Central Africa it might be considered no good crying over burst water bottles. They do not grow on trees, and there are no drugstores down forest pathways.

'All right,' I said, 'put the baby as near the fire as you safely can, and sleep between the baby and the door to keep it free from drafts Your job is to keep the baby warm.'

The following noon, as I did most days, I went to have prayers with any of the orphanage children who chose to gather with me. I gave the youngsters various suggestions of things to pray about and told them about the tiny baby. I explained our problem about keeping the baby warm enough,mentioning the hot water bottle, and that the baby could so easily die if it got chills. I also told them of the two-year-old sister, crying because her mother had died.

During prayer time, one ten -year-old girl, Ruth, prayed with the usual blunt conciseness of our African children. 'Please, God' she prayed, 'Send us a hot water bottle today It'll be no good tomorrow, God, as the baby will be dead, so please send it this afternoon.'

While I gasped inwardly at the audacity of the prayer, she added, 'And while You are about it, would You please send a dolly for the little girl so she'll know You really love her?'

As often with children's prayers, I was put on the spot. Could I honestly say 'Amen?' I just did not believe that God could do this.

Oh, yes, I know that He can do everything; the Bible says so. But there are limits, aren't there? The only way God could answer this particular prayer would be by sending me a parcel from the homeland. I had been in Africa for almost four years at that time, and I had never, ever,
received a parcel from home.

Anyway, if anyone did send me a parcel, who would put in a hot water bottle? I lived on the equator!

Halfway through the afternoon, while I was teaching in the nurses' training school, a message was sent that there was a car at my front door. By the time I reached home, the car had gone, but there on the verandah was a large 22-pound parcel. I felt tears pricking my eyes. I
could not open the parcel alone, so I sent for the orphanage children.. Together we pulled off the string, carefully undoing each knot. We folded the paper, taking care not to tear it unduly Excitement was mounting. Some thirty or forty pairs of eyes were focused on the large
cardboard box. From the top, I lifted out brightly-colored, knitted jerseys. Eyes sparkled as I gave them out. Then there were the knitted bandages for the leprosy patients, and the children looked a little bored.. Then came a box of mixed raisins and sultanas - that would make
a batch of buns for the weekend.

Then, as I put my hand in again, I felt the.....could it really be? I grasped it and pulled it out. Yes, a brand new, rubber hot water bottle. I cried. I had not asked God to send it; I had not truly believed that He could.

Ruth was in the front row of the children. She rushed forward, crying out, 'If God has sent the bottle, He must have sent the dolly, too!'

Rummaging down to the bottom of the box, she pulled out the small, beautifully-dressed dolly. Her eyes shone! She had never doubted!

Looking up at me, she asked, 'Can I go over with you and give this dolly to that little girl, so she'll know that Jesus really loves her?' 'Of course,' I replied!

That parcel had been on the way for five whole months, packed up by my former Sunday school class, whose leader had heard and obeyed God's prompting to send a hot water bottle, even to the equator.

And one of the girls had put in a dolly for an African child - five months before, in answer to the believing prayer of a ten-year-old to bring it 'that afternoon.'

'Before they call, I will answer.' (Isaiah 65:24)

Thankful for Everything

2009-11-24T13:29:00.001+08:00

Three reasons God commanded us to give thanks in all things:

First, giving thanks in all things expresses faith-faith in the God who knows what He's doing; faith in the God who sovereignly rules in all that happens to us. Isn't that what He wants from us?

Second, He knew we wouldn't do it naturally. Giving thanks in all things means I am no longer walking as a mere man, grumbling and griping, but walking as a spiritual man (see 1 Cor. 2:14,15)-a man who sees God at work...even in the grains of sand that tend to fill my shoes.

Isn't that a little bit of what's wrong with twentieth-century Christianity? Don't we divorce God from the details of daily experience? Don't we ultimately dislike those things that we can't seem to control? Let's be honest, we'd rather gripe, complain and be miserable about circumstances than give thanks.

Finally, God wants to teach us how to deal with the irritating grains of sand so we can get on with climbing the mountains He has for us. All we see are the pebbles, and we think if we could just remove all those pebbles then we could get on with real life. But the pebbles are the real life that God brings us day by day. He wants to use those irritants to instruct us and to see us mature in Christ.

*Extracted from "Moments Together for Couples", a Crosswalk Devotional

Not Ashamed

2009-11-23T15:30:00.002+08:00

I received an email with these instructions:

"If you believe that God is alive and well, send this to at least ten people and the person that sent it to you. This is so true. Sometimes it's the simplest things that God asks us to do that cause us, if we are obedient to what He's asking, to be able to hear His voice more clear than ever. Please listen, and obey ! It will bless you (and the world) - Philippians 4:3.

If you aren't ashamed to do this, please follow the directions. Jesus said, "If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you before my Father". Not ashamed.... pass this on."

I'm not ashamed but it doesn't mean I have to spam all my friends, especially if this is the 50th time I've received this email. So here's the story:

A young man had been to Wednesday Night Bible Study. The Pastor had shared about listening to God and obeying the Lord's voice. The young man couldn't help but wonder, 'Does God still speak to people?'

After service, he went out with some friends for coffee and pie and they discussed the message. Several different ones talked about how God had led them in different ways.

It was about ten o'clock when the young man started driving home. Sitting in his car, he just began to pray, 'God...If you still speak t o people, speak to me. I will listen. I will do my best to obey.'

As he drove down the main street of his town, he had the strangest thought to stop and buy a gallon of milk. He shook his head and said out loud, 'God is that you?' He didn't get a reply and started on toward home.

But again, the thought, buy a gallon of milk.

The young man thought about Samuel and how he didn't recognize the voice of God, and how little Samuel ran to Eli. 'Okay, God, in case that is you, I will buy the milk.' It didn't seem like too hard a test of obedience. He could always use the milk. He stopped and purchased the gallon of milk and started off toward home.

As he passed Seventh Street, he again felt the urge, 'Turn Down that street.'

This is crazy he thought, and drove on past the intersection.

Again, he felt that he should turn down Seventh Street.

At the next intersection, he turned back and headed down Seventh.

Half jokingly, he said out loud, 'Okay, God, I will.'

He drove several blocks, when suddenly, he felt like he should stop He pulled over to the curb and looked around. He was in a semi- commercial area of town. It wasn't the best but it wasn't the worst of neighborhoods either. The businesses were closed and most of the houses looked dark like the people were already in bed.

Again, he sensed something, 'Go and give t he milk to the people in the house across the street.' The young man looked at the house. It was dark and it looked like the people were either gone or they were already asleep. He started to open the door and then sat back in the car seat.

'Lord, this is insane. Those people are asleep and if I wake them up, they are going to be mad and I will look stupid.' Again, he felt like he should go and give the milk.

Finally, he opened the door, 'Okay God, if this is you, I will go to the door and I will give them the milk. If you want me to look like a crazy person, okay. I want to b e obedient. I guess that will count for some thing, but if they don't answer right away, I am out of here.'

He walked across the street and rang the bell. He could hear some noise inside. A man's voice yelled out, 'Who is it? What do you want?' Then the door opened before the young man could get away.

The man was standing there in his jeans and T-shirt. He looked like he just got out of bed. He had a strange look on his face and he didn't seem too happy to have some stranger standing on his doorstep. 'What is it?' The young man thrust out the gallon of milk, 'Here, I brought this to you.' The man took the milk and rushed down a hallway.

Then from down the hall came a woman carrying the milk toward the kitchen. The man was following her holding a baby. The baby was crying. The man had tears streaming down his face.

The man began speaking and half crying, 'We were just praying. We had some big bills this month and we ran out of money. We didn't have any milk for our baby. I was just praying and asking God to show me how to get some milk.'

His wife in the kitchen yelled out, 'I ask him to send an Angel with some. Are you an Angel?'

The young man reached into his wallet and pulled out all the money he had on him and put in the man's hand. He turned and walked back toward his car and the tears were streaming down his face.

He knew God still answers prayers.

I know it too.

Why I Converted

2009-10-23T16:32:00.002+08:00

I'm not a computer geek, and I don't usually talk about operating systems and hardware. I am not exactly into the Mac vs PC debate either. I have a PC at work and a Mac at home.

Recently, however, I am compelled to make a list, to answer the question people often ask me : Why Mac?

it takes 1 minute or less to switch on my Mac. I rarely have to wait more than that for it to load its stuff. My PC still does its morning lagging exercise and its evening lagging exercise (I had to send a quick email this morning and I did it in 3 minutes total, including having to switch on and switch off my Mac);
everyone talks about how cool it is to own a Mac. How the pictures are sharper and sound is better. I can't argue with that;
people say Macs are too expensive. But I think it's about whether you are content to drive a Proton or a BMW. I think the people at Mac deserve it because they put so much thought into the making of a Mac and into developing it to be better. And, with that one price, you pay for speed, sleekness, efficiency, technology and practicability. I won't argue with anyone about this, because you have to own one to be convinced;
my Mac is mine and looks like mine, and no one who owns another Mac has a similar one. You can tell at once which Mac is yours because Macs are almost fully customizable;
I use my Mac for work and play. Contrary to wrong perceptions, there is no issue with compatibility.

In order not to sound like a geek (which I am not), I shall stop.

Note : this writer receives no payment for this post. However if Apple would like to pay her, she will not decline.

.... and yet another one

2009-10-20T18:13:00.001+08:00

This Made Me Cry

2009-10-19T17:02:00.003+08:00

Swiney Stuff

2009-07-10T12:12:00.006+08:00

The month of June was full of surprises. Of course, there was the honeymoon. Suffice to say, it was great, not because of the place (I would have preferred Europe any time) but because it was wonderful travelling with him and being silly together.

I went back to the office on the 24th, and was told at 10am in the morning that I will need to fly to Manila in 2 hours time. For contract negotiations, apparently. For a contract I left alone for one week. Like a chicken losing its head, I rushed home, packed and went to the airport in 1 hour.

It was overwhelming because:

1) I did not know anything about Manila except that it is in the Philippines;
2) I did not have any foreign currency (my mind went - I think it's Pesos... gosh, how much is that in RM?);
3) I hated unplanned packing;
4) I wanted to be home after a week of traveling together;
5) I had no idea how much the contract has progressed in my absense;
6) I was told I am to convince the Iron Lady to accept our terms and conditions and that she may just eat me up.

I didn't have any choice, unfortunately. Except to pray profusely.

Manila is nice, because I don't have anything more to say about it. All I saw were offices and hotels. I went shopping for an hour, but that was it. The Edsa Shangri-la was nice, but I hardly had time to enjoy it.

Anyway, the point is, when I got back, I developed a cough, followed by mild fever a few days after that. Of course, that means I went to the Sungai Buloh Hospital to check it out. I will admit, the hospital looked impressive as we exited the highway. Unfortunately, that's the only good thing I have to say about it.

You would think that since Influenza is the pandemic at the moment, hospitals such as this would have clear signages and special units to direct people who may be having the it or who want to check it out. The only signages we saw were those asking you to wash your hands, wear a mask, telling you what the signs are, and which country is affected. It must have taken us 10 minutes (and I must have asked about 3 people) to find the place where they will check us for Influenza.

When we finally found it, it was a sad area on the tar road in front of the emergency entrance. They slapped a mask on my face and told me to wait. This was 7.15pm.

I must have waited for almost 40 minutes when some guy, fully masked, gloved and covered in plastic came walking out with a pen and pieces of paper. He asked me for some details of my traveling and then, I was to sign that piece of paper. After that, he took my temperature and told me to wait yet again.

Nothing happened for the next one hour or more, until I went up to one of them and asked them what I was waiting for. It was only then that they said to me, to go to the back of the building (some dingy room) where they would swab my throat for a sample. They told me that they would call me with test results in 2 days.

After being swabbed and interviewed, I was asked to wait for medication. I thought this was finally the end (it must have been 9.15pm by then). However, I was wrong.

We couldn't stand the waiting any longer, so at approximately 9.45pm, he went to the counter to threaten to leave if nothing is being done. Miraculously, the precious medication we were waiting for was given to us within 5 minutes. I left the hospital at 9.55pm. I daresay by the time I left, I already felt better and my fever may have decided to healed itself.

The very fact that this has to happen to anyone is in itself appalling. If I did have Influenza, I would have died, if not because the disease, because of the waiting. And, if I did not have Influenza, I may have contracted it after being left in that stupid place for so long. Or, I would have contracted something else from the patients going in and out of the emergency room.

So ask me now, is my country taking measures to curb the pandemic, or at least, trying its best to contain it? I would be too ashamed to answer.

By the way, I never got the call to tell me what the test results were. It has now been more than 7 days. If I had it, I would have passed it on to every single person I've spoken to, laughed with, in the same room with in the last 7 days. Thank God I am blessed with brains to know that since my fever and cough are now gone, I would be negative forInfluenza. I didn't need to wait 3 hours in a hospital for a stupid test (which may not have been done in the first place) to tell me that.

Demotivated

2009-05-08T17:55:00.002+08:00

I'm at work but I do not care. Some not so motivating news came my way recently, and I do not understand how it all weights out. I understand where he was coming from, of course, and I'm not bitter or angry about it; maybe a tad bit disappointed. There was a lot of assurance in his voice and his words, although sometimes, I wonder if it is enough to keep our morale on the high.

I have noticed that I have become increasingly negative. I do not think I am a very negative person at all (or at least I'd like to believe that) but I have unconsciously been giving out negative vibes to people around me. That can't be good, for me nor for them.

Target for next week - think of what is good. After all, if I want to be obsessed with the Kingdom, I need to fill my mind with the right stuff.

30 minutes more to the weekend.....

It's This Weekend!! Gasp!!

2009-04-06T18:19:00.004+08:00

Somehow, I'm more jittery than I was last year. Eventhough I'm not acting nor singing this time. Maybe it's the lack of time we had, but I'm so proud of the team for getting as far as they are now, even with the lack of time.

I love it. Even if you do eventually watch it and think it needs more work, I will still love it, because of how we managed to not kill each other despite all the stress we are in right now.

Love it.

Poor ol' student

2009-03-21T22:36:00.003+08:00

I received a Google Map street photo of a friend's house in Luton this morning. I took one look and immediately wished I was in back in Nottingham, where long evening walks, wide selections of things and courteousness are possible.

Of course, to explore the new Google Map feature was next. What I found made me miss Nottingham dearly.

While I was at University, I did not own a digital camera nor a blog, and looking through these street pictures was like re-living it all.

This is a picture of the back of my flat, Albion House. The street is of course, Albion Street, in Beeston.

Almost right across Albion Street, is my all favourite hang out and stress relief place, Sainsbury. You can't really see it from the picture because it's blocked by the trees. My flatmates and I used to go to Sainsbury just before it closes to get cheap deals off pastries and cakes.

To go to University everyday, I opted for a 20mins walk to the West Gate rather than to take a bus which would cost one quid. I would pass the High Road which would look like this (as I remember it, vaguely).

The West Gate, the nearest entrance from Beeston to the University. Also the nearest entrance to the Faculty of Law and Social Sciences.

The Trent Building, where most of the activities are held by the Law Society, the Malaysian society and the Christian Fellowship. Also where Solid Rock met.

On weekends and whenever I felt like it, I would go to town. Nottingham is well known for its shopping escapades and late night shopping. It's main shopping centres are Broadmarsh and Victoria Centre (Google Maps only had the street photo of Victoria Centre's parking lot). Broadmarsh is the building on the right in the first picture below, and the entrance is negligible, but once you enter, it's like a whole different world.

For less expensive shopping and to cure hunger, there's also the Beeston Market which is approximately 3 minutes walk from my flat. I remember discovering that the market sells 3 branches of garlic for 50p (and yes, that's the cheapest - believe me I've done research.)

At the end of my lease at Albion House, I stayed on in this house, 44 Beeston Road, where many, many memories are made. It's the house 2nd from the right in this picture with the blue door. I promise, I was close to tears when I found this.

I now pronounce you...

2009-02-28T00:08:00.006+08:00

Now that the vows have been said, the decorations have been put away, the place has been made cozy, it is the natural progression of things that the stories about married life start. This is when everyone asks the golden question "So how is married life?" It's an easy question to ask, but certainly not an easy one to answer.

I'd like to say, it's really not bad. Really. To those people who say that you'll get annoyed a lot, you'll fight a lot, or you'll get irritated because he squeezes the toothpaste the wrong way or leaves the toilet seat down, shame on you. That's hardly even a quarter of what married life is about.

There are a million things to say, but today, I'd like to talk about just one.

I've been observing people to see why their marriages work wonderfully and why they are happy or why they don't seem to be happy. It's amazing observing how people treat each other, how they show love, and how they respect each other.

I observed something very obvious about the couples I'd like to emulate - the women do not dictate/nag their men in public. All you see the wife do is respect him, in what he does, what he says, whether or not he looks stupid, whether or not he's offensive. She doesn't diss him in public, nor argue with him in front of others.

So does this mean wives have to agree with whatever their husband says?

Not so (thankfully!!). I learnt from him that, a good marriage is based on having the same foundation, or the word he uses, the same platform. Our platform is simply, that we are not married to each other to condemn, but to build up. So whatever we do, however we feel, it's based on this. So I've learnt that whilst the husband may be wrong or silly or offensive, telling him off in public is not going to build him up. Not only that, telling him off in public mirrors disrespect. Its like how you won't want your best friend to tell you that you have on an ugly dress in front of the guy she likes, for example.

However, telling him in love and in private does build him up. Make sense?

It makes a world of sense to me. But now comes the hard part - doing it. It's a long and difficult learning process (how can one resist telling one's spouse that he/she is really making fool of himself, so please stop it right now?)

However, I am very fortunate because God gave me this wonderful, patient and tolerable man. He understands that it's not easy for prideful lil' me. He stands by me as I struggle to hold my tongue and focus on the platform.

He's not perfect either, but he's mine.

I Appreciate You, too!

2009-02-22T00:56:00.002+08:00

Your lil' appreciation messages throughout the day overwhelmed me into tears. My facebook page was filled with them - unfortunately, I was not able to log on till way after midnight.

To all of you who had texted me throughout the day - thank you!! This is me being too lazy to reply to all of you, but I appreciate you, I really do!!

Thank you, people. Thank you for filling me up with all your love and thoughts. I love you too.

Self Discovery

2009-02-12T18:34:00.000+08:00

I have learnt 2 things about myself recently:

I get annoyed when people speak to me as if I didn't understand it the first time. I am not a child, therefore, I am able to tell you if I don't understand.
I also get annoyed when I've taken pains to make things clear and people still do not get it. I get even more annoyed when I have to repeat myself after all the effort I've put in the first time.

Why am I blogging about this? So that you will forgive me should I spread some of my annoyance unto you. [This usually happens at work anyway, so if you are not my colleague or a client, it probably doesn't apply to you.]

On a separate note, the engraving on my wedding ring reads "....131220 0 8". It's spaced wrongly and the last zero is slightly lower than the rest of the numbers.

I was annoyed with that initially (I paid you for this??!!??) but now, I think it's perfect because it reflects that it is the only ring that will ever exist like that, and that I'm not perfect, but he chose me anyway, imperfections, annoyance and all.

Hee.

The (somewhat) Big One....

2009-01-22T18:47:00.007+08:00

It has been a trying day.

I'm learning to be content, and trying to strive for excellence.

I couldn't hold back the tears - because I know God has a purpose for this and somehow, it still feels horrible.

I wanna do this...

I need to be on my knees more, seek Him more, be content and thankful with what I have, and make myself happy doing the things I love.

Now, to put all these into practise.

*pictures taken from Wedding Paper Divas.

I Am Right Brained....

2009-01-20T19:07:00.003+08:00

I really am. Acknowledging this has made my left brain rebel against me, or at least, that's what I think it's doing. So maybe I'm not cut out to have a high flying office job (although I've done it since forever) and maybe I'd rather colour than write language which can only be understood by the legal mind. I definitely am not cut out to crunch numbers (no way, Jose - have you ever wondered who Jose is and why everyone is rejecting him?).

God inspire me to do what I'm cut out to do, and help me find joy in whatever I'm doing, although it's a daily struggle.

The Aftermath

2009-01-10T14:11:00.009+08:00

I was being put in charge of decorations for our wedding, so naturally, it is something very personal to me. I have not gotten the wedding pictures yet, so those will have to come later. Needless to say, I was more than happy at the way it turned out.

The question remains as to what we are going to do with the decorations that have not been conveniently taken home by our guests. It's tough because we do not have a place of our own yet, so we had to make do.

Remember these program holders?

They are now decoration on his office door........

What about these cans collected over one whole year?

They are either boxed up......

.......or used as these...............

........or these (seen here with the leftover paper butterflies which fell off from the rattan sticks - and that's me)....

What about the cleverly folded lillies?

We couldn't bear to throw them away or give them away, so we hoarded them and they became these....

And of course, my favourite item..... standing at the corner of our room. We put so much work into these....

It hurts to give any of it away, but we already did give some of them away, and the rest of it shall remain standing in the corner of our room, reminding me of how much time we spent together doing these with friends we love and who love us so much more, that they were willing to spend their Saturday doing these with us, although not all of them have dainty hands.

I LOVE Beautiful Things

2009-01-10T13:46:00.005+08:00

A Great Decision

2008-12-30T23:55:00.003+08:00

I'm rushing to prepare the Agenda for our Word facilitators but I couldn't start because I stumbled upon her and this. It's amazing and it is one of the best decisions I have made - to make her my wedding photographer (of course, another one being marrying him).

So what have I learnt from the wedding? These:

that if you set out choosing to be happy on your day, you will realize that a lot of things do not matter. All that matters is that you are happy and that makes your friends happy too;
that if you learn to relax and laugh at near tragedies, you will enjoy your day better (we agreed to laugh at everything that goes wrong);
that God is still in control and He knows your heart's desires (I was in charge of decorations and was unsure if it would turn out right - this was my right brain working - but it turned out even better);
that's its ok if you lose your bulletins the night before the wedding although you had stayed up with him till 3am the day before to get them printed;
that your friends are wonderful people - they are there for you for so many things you forget to do or say, and you realize, you love them even more;
that you should be yourself - just because its a wedding does not mean it has to be Martha Stewart approved;
that it will never turn out exactly the way you want it - it usually turns out even better when you trust that God will be there with you;
that whatever said and done, your family loves you;
that you suddenly realize that you love him so much more than you thought;
that whether you feel it or not, God is blessing you with so many things you do not see... until later.

On my wedding day, I remember:

Praying together before he arrived;
Waiting in my room with her, and sharing how I felt, which relaxed me a lot;
Waiting in the car and having her with me (I love you so much);
Looking once again at the wonderful church decorations we had spent so much time making;
Having a brilliant worship team (the most wonderful one, if I may say so) and a singing my heart out to God;
Having him on the piano;
Having the Pastor we love officiate our wedding;
Looking into his eyes as we said our vows (I didn't cry - yay!);
Watching the bubbles floating through the air while we walked out;
Smiling until my jaws froze.

There are so many more things I remember. It was a wonderful day. I had so much fun and I hope my friends did too. She named it the wedding festival, and I hope it was as fun for you as it was for me.

Now, on to the marriage bit.......

Counting the Days

2008-12-09T09:54:00.004+08:00

It's 4 more days of singlehood. There are still tonnes to do - finalizing the bulletin, doing me nails, shaving (now now, no funny ideas please), buying some stuff I've been summoned to bring for my surprise hen's party (you girls be nice now, I'll remember everything and if you are not married, I'll do it twice worse when it's your turn...kekeke...), doing the dinner seating, finalizing the slideshows, finalizing the decorations.....

Whatever it is, I have decided that I will be happy because it's our day and God has blessed it, and that I will giggle / laugh heartily at anything that happens that is not in the plan. I'm quite confident the Mr. Big-Carrie situation is not going to happen.. hehe.

I'm looking forward to collect my dress. I lurve it. And miss it. It must be about 2 months since I tried it on.

Trivialities aside, I hear that someone opened her eyes 2 nights ago! As I prepare for the day, I am thinking of her, of how God is preparing her, so that she can finally hold her in her arms. I hope that by the day I get married, she'll be able to get off the machines and breathe on her own. God is loading her and her family up with testimonies of His glory, and I'm so glad to know such a tiny-in-size-but-strong fighter for God. I love her already, although I have not even seen her yet.

Soon, 'stelle! We are coming to see you!!! Continue to fight ya!! We are praying for you and we love you so so so much!!!

A Carnival!!!

2008-12-03T15:39:00.002+08:00

It's a day after "the" day, and it promises to be fun and lotsa yums. Come and help us raise funds for the Women Aid Organization!!!

Quote of the Day

2008-11-27T10:18:00.001+08:00

Love People and Use Things - Not Love Things and Use People.

If only.....

2008-11-26T15:36:00.001+08:00

It's about 30mins after lunch, and I am reading blogs. If I had to stare at my document again, I will scream and tear my hair out. Seriously.

If only they had blogs and digital cameras whilst I was in England. I would have so many good memories (and this does not mean I'm old ok....). Speaking of which, where is my camera?

On a different thought pattern, I wish I worked for pleasure rather than need. I realized recently that what I really want to do is the total opposite of what I am doing now. I wanna create things with my hands that make people happy, and not have them squint their eyes wondering what this sentence and that paragraph means.

It's not like I hate my job or anything - I'd just rather not be doing this at this point of my life. So yea.... time to think again, I guess.

Yes, my dear, I like this very much. :)

Look What You Guys Did!!!

2008-11-20T00:46:00.002+08:00

And this is not even all of it.....

Thank you! We are so grateful for your help!

I'm So Proud of This

2008-11-20T00:31:00.005+08:00

One Month

2008-11-14T10:43:00.005+08:00

It's a Friday and exactly one month to that day we've been looking forward to. I am pleased to report that we are still as cool as a cucumber. But not without the assurance that God will make everything alright, although the day will most likely not be perfect.

And of course, our dearest, dearest friends who have willingly offered all the help we could get! Thank you!

This feels like the Oscars. Yeech.

Note to self (and all you who are reading) - it is supposed to be fun, not stressful or torturous. Let's keep it that way.

Broken

2008-11-13T11:09:00.000+08:00

So, I'm sitting here at Starbucks with jazzy, Christmassy music, and my thoughts are with this one good friend of mine. I think he had his heart broken recently, but if you asked him about it, he would not admit it. He would tell you he is alright, it's just how life is, and that he is now a new man. A new man indeed.

I think whatever broke him made him better. He says God opened his eyes to many things, and to a certain extent, I'm really happy for him. He is different though, neither in a good or bad way, just different. A lot more serious, definitely. I kinda miss his idiosyncrasies, though, and all the times we laughed nonsensically. I secretly hope that this seriousness will pass and the endless nonsensical laughter would come back. But not if it would hamper his quest to be a better person.

If he is reading this, he should know, that his friend will always be on his side and would never hesitate to tell him off, should that be necessary. That she is really glad for him. And that he should smile and laugh wholeheartedly, just because its good for the soul.

We Graduated!!

2008-10-19T20:37:00.004+08:00

Yay! We made it. One whole weekend, approximately 16 hours in total. I think our behinds grew a bit from sitting and eating.

When it is not the season to work

2008-10-03T12:34:00.006+08:00

So yes, I am aware that I do not update my blog as often as some people do - you'd probably know that it's because I do have a day job to keep. Now, what do I write about?

Its exactly 2 months to the big day. But I shan't write about that, coz everyone has had enough wedding stories and heartwarming pictures.

Hmm... Christmas? All I can say right now is that it's kicking in, so anticipate great things. It's going to be great and we just need to put our hearts into it and pray that God's hand works through us. (Although part of me wishes I don't have to co-ordinate it - I do have a wedding coming up smack in the middle of it... patience patience...)

Ok, I've got it.

Recently, 2 friends of mine found out that their unborn baby has a birth defect - something called Congenital Diaphragm Hernia. (Yes yes, go Google it.) Initially, knowing very little about what's happening, it alarmed a lot of us and I didn't really know what to say to my friends or how to pray for their baby. I cried and I avoided talking to them because I knew I would tear up if I spoke to them about it.

When I finally saw them and talked to them about it, I was amazed at how calm they were and how they appear to be unaffected. Their great faith in God who loves and gives only good things was helping them through this trying time. I am greatly encouraged at how they are positive about it and how they are so sure that however things turn out, it will be for good because God is in control and is holding their baby in His hands.

We prayed and prayed for them. I never ceased to cry every time. But I see what it means to have faith in God - it is not a "Christian jargon", it is something one sees in action when times are trying. And I saw faith in action through this. They were affected, of course, there were tears, there was sadness, but they came back to the realization that the God they trust will not fail them.

I know now that however things turn out for them, the baby will be fine and more importantly, live to bear a testimony about how God held her life in His hand and how God assured her parents that everything will be fine and how she survived her birth defect.

I now cry, not because I'm sad or disappointed or bewildered, but because I'm touched and awed to see how when God says He loves His child, He goes all the way for her.

Preparations

2008-07-26T10:53:00.004+08:00

I am a Lacey Balm when it comes to planning stuff. As for the wedding, I wouldn't have kept going if it wasn't for all the stuff I have to make myself (wheeeee!!!). But that too dies off when I lose momentum, so he has to "encourage" me to take it up again. I'm quite good at nagging him to do stuff though... hahaha.... sorry sweetie....

Oh, look what happened to all the cans you donated..... hmm... this is only the beginning though (wheeeeeee!!!).

Touched

2008-07-25T01:00:00.003+08:00

I got a call today from someone unexpected. He asked me how I was and he wanted to know how I was doing. Then he prayed for me.

Thank you - you really made my day. I will never forget this and I really see Jesus in your thoughtfulness. Thanks for your encouragement and your heart for God's people.

When is is hard to Love

2008-07-23T01:04:00.004+08:00

I realized something today --

When a person loves the hard to love with his own strength, it is really hard. But when a person loves the hard to love and focuses on God, then it becomes easy.

I kid you not. Try it. Focus on the reason for loving people and then try to love someone who seems to be a waste of time. It gets easier... somehow.

End of Meetings As I Know It

2008-07-17T00:14:00.002+08:00

Hey you, I'm updating my blog now so that you can leave silly messages on my chatty box thingy. Hehe.

This Friday is the last time we'll be together. Saying this has a melancholic tone to it, but I realized it is not supposed to be melancholic. Changes just means we are constantly on our toes and we are not too comfortable with where we are. Changes enables growth, as a person and as a church. Changes help us learn to discern what is important and what isn't.

So this is goodbye to cell leading. We are multiplying... finally!!!

On a completely different subject, I've been doing the "I'm married to my job" routine recently. I hate it. It's like there are a million things running across your head and you can't seem to peel yourself away from your laptop. You are suddenly really popular, coz your phone keeps ringing and as you speak, your mind is already running through what you have to do after you put down the phone. Your secretary can't keep track of where you need to be and where you are, coz there are just too many things going on - all at once. And of course, you snap at people for being rude and inconsiderate.

Thank God for the realization that this is definitely only temporary. The realization that life is more than just work and completing tasks. Thank God for a family - the blood kind as well as the church kind - that I can look forward to in the end.

Oh, new blog to visit, people. It's dodgy, but that's really the reflection of who he is. And I'm proud of who he is. Really.

The Day

2008-07-10T00:50:00.004+08:00

I have not blogged about the wedding preparations, because we want it to be a surprise to our friends (yes, you who are reading this now).

However, I thought I'd give ya'll some hints, just to whet the appetite (and to answer all your "so how are preparations?" questions):

We are trying to kill all the typical expectations of a wedding.
Flowers are bleah.
Maroon... and white... maybe off-white.
Expect paper... lots of em.
Things that will remind you of the person he is and the person I am.
Aim of event : fun for all.
Bubbles? Maybe.....

Ok, that shall be all - won't wanna spoil the fun for you. Hee.

Melancholy

2008-07-08T23:06:00.004+08:00

I wish they see what I see. I wish things are easier. But God never promised that life would be easy - if it was, Jesus wouldn't have to die for us. Still.....

I have learnt that loving people is not always gay and dandy. It hurts and it's hard.

On a totally unrelated subject, my Madrid mug broke a few months ago, and I really miss it. Sighs.

Know this

2008-05-24T14:20:00.003+08:00

CBC Subang is moving back to a cell church structure. I am most pleased that we are united in where we want to go and in allowing God's hand to move us as a church.

On a smaller scale of things, God has been really good to my cell group. As we prayed for multiplication, we grew in numbers. I look forward to see God move us to greater heights and I am praying for wisdom and strength to ensure that everyone is cared for.

I have learnt these important truths I think we should all know:

Respect and love our cell leaders. They care for us and they availed themselves to God's ministry. They are not obligated to be our leaders, but they choose to anyway.
Encourage our cell leader. Bless them and pray for them. They are humans too. Just because they are our leader, they are not superhumans and need encouragement just like any other person.
Be accountable to our cell leader. We need to constantly inform him/her of what we intend to do, how we feel about things, what is happening with us. This helps him/her care for us.
Cell is about being a family. It's not about what we get from our cell family - it is about what we can give to our cell family.
The growth of a cell group do not depend on the cell leader. If we want to grow as a family of God, we have to do it together. If a cell grows, it's the effort of all its members, not just the cell leader. The same principle applies if the cell doesn't grow.
Growth is not measured by numbers. It is measured by how much our cell family have grown together in our relationships with God. It is measured by how our hearts are changed as we align ourselves to God's purposes.
Rebuke anything that is negative or discouraging, because God is not negative nor discouraging. God's desire is to bless us, so anything that condemns us is not from God. If something is not from God, then there is no point dwelling in it.

My heart goes out to all of you cell leaders (including you to-be cell leaders), especially those in CBC Subang. I am so thankful to God for each one of you, old or young, experienced or not, for allowing God to use you. For sacrificing your time for God's purpose. For loving God's people and having a heart to see their needs. For caring about people tirelessly, even when it's difficult and emotionally draining to care. For having the courage to step up and lead when you are fearful. For fighting the race although its tiring.

12 I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. 13 No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

Philippians 3:12-14 (NLT)

Destination : Seville, Spain

2008-05-24T12:55:00.014+08:00

On to more Spanish experiences...

Seville!! Or in Spanish, Sevilla (sir-vee-ya)

Plaza de Espana (Spanish Square)
This is one of my favourite places in Seville.
Trivia : George Lucas filmed part of Star Wars Episode II at the Spanish Square. I kid you not.

Indians in Spain?? They provide good music, though.

One would not have really visited a Spanish city if one did not visit its cathedral. Simply called Catedral de Sevilla (formerly, Catedral de Santa Maria de la Sede; maybe they decided this name was too long), this is a Gothic cathedral which is build over the site of the no longer existing Almohad mosque. It is the largest church in the whole world.

The tomb of Christopher Columbus in the Catedral de Sevilla

Seville Gardens
(Orange trees in the 2nd picture - not very interesting)

There is a myth that if you touch these bushes, true love will come your way.

The Alcuzar - note the Arabic influences

One of the gardens at the Alcuzar.
I was told a garden is considered beautiful if the visitor's 5 senses are aroused - see the beauty, smell the flowers, hear the wind and birds, touch the leaves, taste the fruits.

Visit to the Jewish quarters by foot. The crowd in this picture was led by two guys playing Spanish songs on their guitars. It felt wonderful!
(I still can't get over the blue skies)

The Spanish Christians created this at the Basilica de la Macarena to symbolize Jesus' crucifixion, as the vision of Christ on the cross was thought to be too gruesome to some.

Time to scour the streets of Seville

The Sierpes is the only pedestrian shopping street in Seville.
This is where I bought most of the Seville souvenirs for those of you who got them.

Paella Negro
With squid ink.

No Seville experience would be complete without a Flamenco show. Seville has the best Flamenco shows, or so I was told.

Parting Ways

2008-05-11T00:36:00.004+08:00

I have 2 friends who are very dear to me who have recently decided to part ways. When I heard of it, I wasn't sure what I could do to make them feel better. I was sad, of course, but I also trusted in them that their painful decision was made in mutual respect for each other and after much thought.

It reminded me of the time I broke up with my first ever boyfriend. We went out for 3 months or so. I was quite sure I loved him, and he loved me too. For the first time, I had liked someone who had reciprocated. It was the most wonderful feeling.

But I also knew it wasn't quite right. Even so, the wonderful feeling did not go away. I cared very much for him, as I believed he did me. It wasn't right because he wasn't a Christian and I knew he could not then share my faith and my thoughts nor my love for God. After endless nights of praying in tears and thinking until I felt like my head was going to burst, I decided to end it, although I knew in my heart I was going to hurt him really badly and I could not make him understand why. It felt like I was tearing up something so dear to my heart, and it hurt really badly.

That wasn't the end of course. I was aware that I had to live the consequences of my decision. The consequences wasn't surprising - I cried myself to sleep every day for 3 whole months (trust me, I counted). One part of me was sure I did the right thing. The other part of me hurt like hell. I wish I could explain how sorry I was that I hurt him so badly, but that wasn't going to be enough to take away the pain.

Today, I look back, and I thank God that He carried me through that painful time. I am sure I made the right decision. Today, he and I are good friends, and it is easy for us to pick up from where we left of, as friends. Today, he is happy for me whenever I have good news, and I have the same sentiments when he goes through something good. I invited him to my wedding, and he is ecstatic about it.

Which brings me back to my 2 very dear friends. Truth be told, it took a lot of courage to decide what they have decided. It is sad, but I am even sadder to hear of people who pass comments on who was right and who was wrong and who was immature and who wasn't thinking clearly and who is the victim and who is to be pitied. When I broke up with my ex boyfriend, those comments only made things worse, because it adds burden to the already difficult consequences.

The truth is, we will never really know what my 2 friends went through. At the end of the day, whatever decisions they make, they will be the ones who have to live the consequences. It is not for us to pass those comments because it is not us who will have to live the consequences.

God place us where we are to love the people He loves. Our job is to love and respect people, not to feel emotions for them. Certainly not to be the judge of who is right or wrong, nor judge what should be their right decisions. My job, where my 2 friends are concerned, is to be there for them as they brace the painful consequences themselves and to assure them that God will carry them through. I wish more people will understand that.

If you are reading this and you know who I am talking about, I'd like to ask you to stop talking about the decision (if you are) and stop indulging in such conversations with other people. Stop talking about who is right or wrong, or how it should be, because that's not our job. Instead, channel your energy to care for them and be there for them, because they need friends, not judges. Pray for them, that they'll be able to sort themselves out and especially, that in this process, they'll be able to draw themselves closer to God.

Simply because, God told us to love our neighbours. It's not rocket science, really.

Destination : Cordoba, Spain

2008-05-10T21:03:00.002+08:00

Cordoba is highly influenced by the Arabs. A lot of stuff was explained in the tour of Cordoba but the most significant fact is how the Mezquita, which used to be a mosque, has now been converted into a cathedral.

I love the blue skies. This is the river Guadalquivir.

Outside the Mezquita

Inside the Mezquita, the Arabic architectural influences still remain.

Apart from the Mezquita, this wasn't one of my favourite places to visit. Good to know about, though.

Footie Stadium 101

2008-05-10T13:13:00.013+08:00

First it was the Emirates Stadium in London......

The stadium tour apparently costs 15 pounds, which I'm really not willing to part with.

Everything Arsenal.

For those of you who want to visit, the Underground stop is Arsenal (duh!!) on the Picadilly line.

Then, it was Camp Nou in Barcelona....

It doesn't say so, but this is Camp Nou....

People lining up to buy match tickets or tour tickets. This is another 18 Euro I'm not willing to part with.

Apparently, a footie stadium will not be complete without its megastore.

Inside, the store is made to look like a stadium.

By the time Estadium Santiagio Bernabeu is visited, I've learnt some tricks to keep myself amused (someone else paid for these tickets to get in).....

1. Take pictures of anything that spells the footie club in question to make all your footie fanatic friends jealous.

2. Look for a cutie... this one's Raul Lopez, number 24.

3. Take pictures of anything you can find that has the cutie's endorsement....

4. .....only to find that it actually belongs to another cutie with the same name.

5. Touch the pitch and make sure there is evidence that you have touched it....

6. ......especially if it's forbidden, just to impress your friends further. Then go home and brag about it.

Heee.

Any Dream Will Do

2008-05-08T15:12:00.003+08:00

I was reading her blog and I love this song! And Lee Mead is such a hottie... :p

I like this one too.....

Destination : Madrid, Spain

2008-05-08T00:39:00.008+08:00

1. Welcome to Madrid!!

2. Puerta de Toledo, the East Gate of Madrid

3. I love how the streets look like they lead to an exciting place at the end

4. The view of the new city from the old city - look at the clouds

5. Spring expressing itself in Madrid, near Plaza de Colon

6. The rows of buildings are never angled at a sharp 90 degrees

7. Plaza Mayor

8. Our favourite restaurant (apart from Tapas & Jamon - we will never forget you, Anderson)

9. This looks nasty, but when you put it into your mouth, you are pleasantly surprised

So here are some useless facts I've learnt so far:-

Senora - ladies

Caballero - gents
(also that displays of "butt" pictures are not illegal nor offensive... hee)

Around this time, Madrid experiences droughts. Therefore, the fountains are switched off until it starts to rain. It starts to rain in April (ie, the time I was there)

Most aseos in Spain use these timed light switches. The light switches off by itself, usually while you are still in the middle of your business. Clever way to save electricity

God is moving

2008-05-07T12:48:00.002+08:00

A break from posting Spanish photos, I agree with him. I am encouraged too. I am most encouraged that people continue to believe in God although they are tired, or have not been cared for.

Jesus was 30 when he was in ministry. That's our age. That means, it is now. It's not 20 years later when we are settled. It's now. It doesn't feel like we are ready, but it is now. And we are afraid of all sorts of things. But we know God has not abandoned us. In times of uncertainty, He is certain.

If you are from CBC Subang-Sunway and you are afraid/not ready/unsure, be certain that God is using us to move our church, whether you consider yourself old or young. God is not moving the young people, nor is He moving the old people. He is moving our church; the whole church. Believe and thank Him that He will send the people. He will send the care. He will send love. Claim God's promise that He will never leave us, because as far as I know, He is still keeping His promise.

Destination : Zaragoza, Spain

2008-05-03T14:44:00.010+08:00

1. Smile I did indeed

2. Cathedral-basilica of Nuestra Senora del Pilar (the most important landmark in Zaragoza). It was being restored

3. Plaza del Pilar

4. Zaragoza shopping street

5. Onward from Zaragoza, we came across La Muella, a windfarm (there are zillions of windmills all over the plain)

6. At a stop, chocolates are sold in KGs!! 1KG is a really huge block!

7. Cafe con leche

Destination : Barcelona, Spain

2008-05-01T21:35:00.007+08:00

1. Roman Quarters

2. Gothic Mercado (Market), next to the Cathedral

3. Spanish Cava

4. Poble Espanyol (Spanish Village)

5. Casa Batllo

6. Outside my hotel

7. La Rambla

8. Sangria

9. Streets of Barcelona

10. Oldest shop in Barcelona (makes candles)
Casa Fundada el 1761

Barcelona remains full of artistic influences and character. I love this place. This was the only place I've been before in Spain and the last time I was here, I loved it to bits. I haven't changed my mind.

I love that every street is filled with music, people display their artistic talents, folks talk vigorously in one of the most romantic languages, as if they are in the happiest place on earth. It was cold, approximately 6 degrees. But the atmosphere makes you wanna be outside, even if you are freezing and you forget your gloves.

Hola! Bienvenido Espanyol!!

I wish he was here to see this with me. I wish we could walk along La Rambla together, and Port Vell at night. I wish he could visit Casa Batllo, my favourite Gaudi creation.

He promised that we would.

Destination : London

2008-04-30T01:32:00.015+08:00

1. Departure gate C15

2. Airplane breakfast

3. Spring in London

4.Greenwich Park

5. Meridian Greenwich

6. Along the Thames

7. Tower Bridge

8. London Eye

I've forgotten how cold it could get, and it's Spring!! It's great to be back... I felt the atmosphere, the way people talked... there was a kind of forgotten familiarity.

It was 2 degrees and I was all bundled up. My face and fingers were cold and the busy-ness of London city had a kind of excitement to it.

Some things have changed, like the Underground trains are newer now. There's this new structure, fondly called "The Gherkin", which is near the Parliament House. New musicals are born.

The excitement had only just started.

The Perfect Risen

2008-03-23T19:25:00.005+08:00

It has ended. But it also has begun. We had 3 wonderful nights, 3 nights of being bonded and united in prayer, 1 of which was full of emotion. The third day....

It is through serving God together that we learn about people, we grow closer to those we hardly speak to and we learn to love people. It is also through these things that we discover how amazing other people are when they make a choice to serve God with whatever gifts they have. We prayed that God will take our little talents and multiply them for His kingdom and this did happen, literally. I'm glad we did this, although it was not always easy. I'm thankful for the relationships and bonds we have formed. And most of all, I'm thankful for that 1 soul, whoever that is.

If you are reading this and you are part of the cast, crew and production team of The Perfect Murdered, I thank you for the bottom of my heart. You are amazing and I am so encouraged by each of you. Thank you for being part of my church family. You guys rock.

Now, on to the next one.

Murder and Melancholy

2008-03-19T23:03:00.003+08:00

It's tomorrow. I'm a third excited, a third nervous, a third sad. Excited because God's message is going to touch people yet again, nervous in case I forget to take a breath between my lines and sad because this means it's going to be over by Saturday.

I am so proud of it though. I'm so proud of all those people who have made big and small sacrifices to make it happen. This is what being a family is all about, and I'm proud to be part of this one.

For some strange reason, I have been feeling contemplative lately. Maybe it's a sign of maturity, but I think it's more about people around me, especially those close to my heart. Two of them struggling with their walk with God, one of them leaving, one of them stressed and a few others, just... broken. I wish I could buy an island and keep all of them there and make them happy.

Time for that drink of honey, the celebrated remedy for a strained voice :)

The Trailer

2008-03-01T19:12:00.008+08:00

I am so proud of you, MK and SB!! This is wonderful!!

Please come for The Perfect Murdered

Thursday, 20 March 2008,
Friday, 21 March 2008 or
Saturday, 22 March 2008

at 8.30pm each night at CBC Sunway-Subang, 61-63, Jalan PJS 11/7, Bandar Sunway. See you there!!

Murdered

2008-02-28T15:13:00.007+08:00

Oh yes, please please please go to this link and turn up the volume.

*grins excitedly*

(I love you and you and you for doing this endlessly.)

Black

2008-02-28T12:58:00.004+08:00

It seems that dark pages save energy.

Blackle claims "a black version of the Google search engine would save a fair bit of energy due to the popularity of the search engine. We believe that there is value in the concept because even if the energy savings are small, they all add up. We feel that seeing Blackle every time we load our web browser reminds us that we need to keep taking small steps to save energy."

And Blackle goes on to say:

"We encourage you to set Blackle as your home page. This way every time you load your Internet browser you will save a little bit of energy. Remember every bit counts! You will also be reminded about the need to save energy each time you see the Blackle page load. Blackle.com - Saving energy one search at a time".

Hence the change. It's better on your eyes too... take it from a person who sits in front of a lappie the whole day drafting documents. Try it!

And no, I am not being paid for this.

Today

2008-02-21T23:30:00.004+08:00

Mood : pleasant and indifferent

Feeling : wise

Weather : hot in the afternoon but windy in the evening

Amount of work : fair

Amount of text messages received about today : 22

Amount of calls received about today : 3

Times the song was sang over the phone : 2

Pressies received : a good number

Night : very pleasant and satisfying

Blessings God put in my life : in abundance

Thanks for all the love sharing and all the notes of encouragement you guys have given me. I did not reply to most of the text messages because I'm so overwhelmingly happy!!

I didn't get it

2008-02-06T00:15:00.002+08:00

At least, I don't think I did. I thought I did, but I didn't. Can't help thinking whether I should shout out in rage or resign to the fact that I'm not as good as I thought I was. Or maybe it's a lesson for not doing what I'm supposed to.

2008 is here, and I'm still trying to remind myself to write "2008" instead of "2007". I didn't think about what I did or want to do like she did, nor did I think about what I've achieved like she did. I just let the year drift away and this year slide through. Maybe it's because I've stopped believing in making resolutions; rather, I want to decide to do something and do it, not because it's the beginning of a new year or an end of an old year, but because I believe I should do whatever it is I want to do.

This morning I had an urge to start one of those "Read Your Bible In One Year" online programs. I searched Blackle and a number popped up. Technology. That means you get what you want at the touch of your fingertips. But I digress.

So, it is not Jan 1, but there is nothing wrong to start reading my Bible in one year starting Feb 6. Couldn't help thinking about it the whole day at work. I hope this excitement continues until the end of the program. Well, if God wants to speak to me (and I believe He does, every day), that shouldn't be a problem.

And now... on to planning (or at least starting to plan) for the wedding.....

T Night B Christmas

2007-12-19T14:58:00.009+08:00

It's Christmas again, and time to get our creative juices flowing. I love Christmas.... it has a somewhat a warm feeling. The other thing I love about Christmas is us, putting together our God given talents and working together to make something happen, all for the glory of God.

Here's what the Christmas Production does / is:

1) tells you who are the shy ones amongst us

2) brings out the craziness inside us

3) brings out our talents we never knew we had

4) really tiring, at times

5) sees people working together

6) makes people do things they'd normally not do

I love Christmas.

PS : Come for our Christmas Production, please.... (for further details, please click on the red flyer at the very top)

I love my camera!

2007-12-19T10:38:00.002+08:00

I'm doing this at work but I really don't care at the moment. 3 nights of slogging till 3am can't be good for the soul. Sighs.

......interesting juice label..... boiled thank you sweets from australia......

.....bug on the car.... firely in my room.....

.....the rock.....

Thank God for technology!!

The Word and Work

2007-10-21T23:36:00.004+08:00

I disappeared for a bit because I was having writer's block and I didn't really have anything important or inspiring to write about. I have now.

The infamous recent young adult camp. The camp with the controversial labels and stigmas - it did not excite me that I was going for this camp (I packed the night before and it did not dawn upon me that I'm actually going away for the weekend - almost made plans to go out with friends) but I really wanted to hear from God. I was feeling uninspired and away from God and I really needed a kick from someone to buck up.

Labels aside, I learned a lot from camp. Here are a few things I've picked up (and apart from these, there are tonnes more!):-

1) Do not lose your life in making a career / do not settle for money rich, time poor

Here is where I am making a decision to go home by a certain time and not stay back to work when I don't need to. Our working culture has this funny way of making people feel guilty for not staying back late. That's nonsense and we have to fight that mentality because God did not intend for us to spend 16 hours a day in the office - it takes the whole purpose of work away.

2) We tend to disclose things God asks us to hide but hide things God tells us to disclose

This was like a whack in the head. How many times have we heard about people talking about how Christians give tithes, pray and fast. However, God says in Matthew 6:2-4, 6-8 and 16-18 says these are the things we are to do in private, ie people are not supposed to talk about these things. God says to tell other people about His great love, and yet, few people associate Christians with the sacrificial love of God.

3) There is an answer for everything pertaining to work in the Bible. We just need to grasp the principles and wrestle out the issues with God.

For example:-
a) decision making - Proverbs 12:15;
b) business planning - Proverbs 21:5;
c) hiring and firing - Proverbs 22:9;
d) partnerships - Amos 3:3;
e) bribery - Deuteronomy 16:18-20, Proverbs 17:23, Proverbs 18:6, Psalm 15:5.

4) We need to awaken our hearts desire for prayer

I need this one the most. I find it so difficult to shut out external distractions and just be with God. Here's what I need to do:-

a) Make efforts to be alone;
b) Shut out all noise and distractions;
c) Seek God and let Him find me (David Townsend said "If you stay still long enough, God will find you").

5) Learn to tolerate moral ambuity, ie do not be a moral police, be a witness

I really like this one. Our job is not to judge how others are living a life of sin (remember the plank in our own eye). However, God has called us to love people around us and be a witness for Him.

The camp was about making an impact for God at the workplace. It was amazing how it made me realize that God put me where I am for a reason. It's not just to make the money. It's not for the glamour (although a lot of people think it is, lawyers and non-lawyers alike). It's to make an impact for Him.

I thank God for a fresh start because I know I need to purpose in my heart to make this impact for Him. I still find it a struggle to tell my colleagues I can't go to lunch because I want to read the Bible. Or that I can't go for dinner with them on Friday because I have cell group. I am angry at myself because I struggle at all.

But, as God has been speaking to our church, we are to know He loves us. I am to know that He loves me, unconditionally, no matter what. It's such a simple statement, and any Christian would know that. But do we really know? If I did know, I would not go on a guilt trip every time I miss spending time with Him and because I feel guilty, I continue not to spend time with Him because I feel unworthy. But if I did truly know how much God loves me, I would forget about feeling guilty and let the past be past, and move forward enjoying quiet time (literally) with God. Because then, I would know that God does not hold grudges and loves us all the same anyway.

Knowing is hard work. But I thank God that He sees beyond my shortcomings and continues to love me the way He has loved me since forever. And I'm convinced that He will continue to love me and help me know and find my identity in Him.

RM12 for 2 bunches of dough

Nothing to Share

2007-07-22T22:21:00.001+08:00

My mind draws to a blank right now. Here's me trying to be creative in the photo taking department.

Pampered

2007-07-17T00:29:00.006+08:00

July's a month of weddings, so I decided to go for a manicure and pedicure... for the first time ever....

Like all things temporal, the perfect lil' fingers and toes did not last a week, of course.

On my own and without having to pay any more, I did quite an alright job, methinks!

Etched in My Memory

2007-07-16T23:48:00.007+08:00

It has been more than 4 years since I came back from England. Sometimes, when I think about it, I can't believe it has been so long and I've not really let go of life abroad.

Recently, I met some of my university friends and they really brought back memories. Some of them are still there, and secretly, I wish I had their life. Perhaps the saying "the grass is always greener on the other side" rings true, but having a life in England (or perhaps, more specifically, in Nottingham) was always something I think about constantly, when I get tired of being in this country, when I see things that aren't right or when I get so frustrated with where I am right now.

I also had to clean out the junk in my room recently, and found stuff I really should throw away. A lot of it came from Nottingham, and although I threw them away (well, nothing lasts forever), I did not want the memory of those things fade away. So I whipped up my good ol' digital camera (or rather, my lovable new tiny camera) and started shooting away.

I bought these at a tiny pharmacist at the end of Beeston Road... I can't remember what it was called but it was next to Argos and Wilkinsons... I think. Who can resist make up at 99p?

Postscript : I remember the pharmacist... it's called Burrows & Close.

Superdrug... my favourite drugstore.

Collections 2000 was the affordable brand for poor ol' students like I was...

I've not seen Kolor here before.. (it is definitely time for this bottle of stuff to be chucked away)

Boots had it's "No. 7" range which was ala Channel (well, to me at least). John (my housemate) gave this to me.

I bought this at les Champ-Elysees in Paris.

There are tonnes of other stuff which I may never chuck away due to sentimental reasons. These are only some of which I have to discard. They are all now junk but they symbolizes part of my life abroad.. a part which I'll always find ways to remember.

Somewhere Remote

2007-05-30T21:44:00.004+08:00

I had the pleasure of spending one weekend at a friend's home town and we had so much fun! It was certainly a much needed break from city life - things were cheap, the food was good, the air was clean and the people were kind. It was great waking up and not having to rush around for appointments or thinking out my to do list in my head.

What was most fascinating was the house we stayed in. It was like the home of an inventor and DIY guy. Almost everything was homemade and handmade whilst the rest of the stuff look like a hundred years old but still in working condition.

Pictures!!

This is a jukebox! Found near some mamak and it still plays for 50 cents a song.

At the house...

Legs of a sewing machine are given a new lease of life as legs for a table.

The light reminds me of Gaudi's street lights in Barcelona.

Why would someone make such a big vase with such a tiny opening?

Old school grinder.... for coffee beans and peppercorns too!

So, this is where it was all made...

And what trip would be complete without some shopping (well, it's not THAT remote)?

The best thing about shopping - not having to pay to own my first pair of Crocs slippers... hehe.... (Thanks Sweetie!)

Thank God for remote places!

Break please

2007-05-29T23:15:00.002+08:00

It's 11.15pm and I'm working on some documents which need to be sent out tomorrow morning. It appears that sleep isn't going to happen anytime soon.

I so need a break. But for now, I guess it's back to work. [Lord, please give me wisdom and strength to do what I need to do...]

Sighs.

Promise to self : next post must NOT be about work.

24

2007-05-24T22:45:00.001+08:00

I've always wondered why people say that 24 hours are not enough in a day. I mean, God created a day to be 24 hours, so just accept it already.

But the last few weeks changed my perspective. I suddenly realized that 24 hours is REALLY not enough in a day. I've never been so bogged down with work until it is so overwhelming before. I wish I didn't have to sleep so much and I wish I had another pair of hands and another brain working simultaneously.

Strange as it may seem, I actually like doing what I'm doing (although my employers should never know this). I think I'm mad too, but oh well, we can't explain everything.... I'm learning tonnes and I'm loving that fact. Makes me feel clever hehehe...

One client called me up recently and asked me whether it's all worth it, whether it's worth getting shouted at by clients and people who are not even clients, getting bombarded with tonnes of stuff to do, staying late when there is an ongoing project, getting grilled by employers. He asked me if I had to start all over, whether I will still be practicing law. Without thinking twice, I said yes.

I read about the Singaporean girl who passed away from overworking. Although I will never know what really happened, how hard she really worked, I have decided that however tough work becomes, I will never let it affect my health. Plus, I'm known never to sacrifice much sleep, one of my favourite activities.

I am beginning to see why God placed me where I am. I thank Him for the wisdom He has given me and the people around me who help me along the way. Most of all, I thank Him that there are only 24 hours in a day, a reminder to us that we can only do so much in a day and what we cannot do (although we try our best to), there is always tomorrow. Not a excuse to procrastinate, but an avenue to use the wisdom God gave us.

Finding True Love

2007-05-12T20:40:00.001+08:00

Have you ever wondered when you will know when you have found the one you will share your heart and soul with, the one whom you will marry? I did and I think I may have found him (although I'm not sure - one can never be too sure).

So this is my conclusion : you know you have found the love of your life (second to Jesus) when he says he's sorry (whether or not he was wrong) and that's all it takes to make all your hurt go away and after that you feel like you love him more than ever.

More than that, you realize that you still love him even when you are still hurting and angry with him. That's when you realize that you love him so much that you are not willing to let him go and although it still hurts, you are willing to work at it.

Well, that's what I think anyway.

Rebellious

2007-04-12T00:33:00.001+08:00

Contrary to popular impression, I'm quite the rebellious kid. Really. I'll prove it.

Clue #1 : I was obviously not born short sighted. I remember my mom telling me that I should not sit too close to the television. Otherwise, I'll have to wear glasses and that's not something nice. My dad told me not to read in dim lights, because otherwise, I would have to wear glasses and would not be pretty anymore. I thought to myself - what's so terrible about glasses that everyone's saying I should avoid. I observed the older kids on my school bus who were wearing glasses. I thought they were not that bad after all - the kids looked rather smart and intellectual actually.

So I decided (stupidly) that I wanted to wear glasses because I wanted to look smart and intellectual too. Everything my parents told me not to do to avoid wearing glasses, I did. I almost kissed the television. The rest of the story, as they say, is history.

Clue #2 : When I lost my 2 front teeth (not during Christmas, I may add), my mother told me not to push the growing teeth to the front with my tongue. Otherwise, they will protrude and will be out of line with the rest of my teeth. Despite being vain even at a young age, I did not want to take my mother's advise without investigating into the truth of what she said. I observed people with slightly protruding front teeth and somehow thought it wasn't too bad. Some of them actually looked quite alright. I wasn't sure if what my mother said was true, so I decided to put it to the test. The result is of course, crooked teeth.

Whilst I'm rather pleased that I'm not the sort of child that would take everything at face value, I laugh at my foolishness which resulted in 2 things that are constant reminders of my rebellion. Actually, part of me carries a tinge of regret. But I guess these are the lessons I learn on life's journey; 1) that whilst it's good to question things, it's also sometimes wise to listen to those people wiser than we are; 2) whatever we do, we are to use our heads!

But having said all that, I'm still a rebellious kid deep inside.

I also realize that whilst I have to live this life on earth with these scars of rebellion, it really doesn't matter that much because later, when Jesus comes back for me, I'll lose all of them, every single imperfection due to my rebellious self and the occasional foolishness. Thank God that He will not leave us to wallow in our imperfections!

On a different subject, I'm going away with the people in the island. I'm not sure what to expect though - whilst going away sounds like fun, the discreet-ness of things is killing me. We are not to know where we will go until we reach the "appointed place". Apparently, we are to be prepared to get "slightly wet and dirty". Spooky, if you ask me.

If all goes well, I'll live to write my next post.

Platonic and Abandoned

2007-04-04T23:20:00.001+08:00

I just had dinner with an old (guy) friend of 4 years. It's amazing how much we have grown in our own way and yet remain very good friends. I'm constantly comparing in my head how it was before I got to know him a bit better, how we used to not talk to each other at all for one year (although we were colleagues) and how far we have come.

Is it possible then to have platonic friendships of the opposite sex? Yes it is. However, it takes a lot of level headed-ness to reach that stage. I think we have to get over that "Do you think he likes me more than a friend" stage before we can become really good friends. I must say my favourite part of the friendship is after that stage, when I can finally put my guard down without having to worry about sending the wrong signals.

And of course, Sweetie should know about this good friend and meet him at least once. Looking at it sensibly, this friendship is something good that's happening in my life and there should not be a reason to hide it from him. In fact, I should be sharing with him about this (which I have, more than once).

On a different subject, I was having dinner with Sweetie one night whilst concentrating on my food, this person came to our table and asked us whether we would like to buy boiled sweets. Now, boiled sweets are the least of my favourite things, so without breaking concentration on my food, I instantly said no. After that, I looked up to see the unhappy face of this old woman, disappointingly walking away. I felt bad instantly; I wished I hadn't been so quick to say no eventhough I hated boiled sweets.

Sweetie and I had a discussion on why she would be selling boiled sweets on the street in the evening. What happened to her family? Did she have children? What about friends? A home?

We came to these possible conclusions:-

1) She was abandoned by her children because she proved to be too difficult to bear (at least to them she was). Being left either in a nursing home or her own, rundown home, with no money even for essentials, she decides to make boiled sweets and sell them because she can.

2) Her son has passed away due to either disease or accident, leaving her with nothing else but her clothes on her back. She no longer have anyone supporting her, therefore she decides to do this to make a living. (She did, after all, have a sad face). For how long is she going to do this, only time can tell. However, for now, she will do this, because this is the only thing that would keep her alive.

There are a hundred other explanations, but after having talked about them, I still could not get over my regret for not purchasing her boiled sweets. It lingered in my mind as we continued with dinner. I hoped she would come my way again, so that I could at least offer her some money.

But she did not come my way again. So we said a prayer for her, trusting that God, who knows exactly what happened to her, will take care of her, as He would take care of the birds of the air and the lilies in the ponds.

Oh yes, one last thing. I have a label!!!

"Always use your powers for good".

I Finally Did It

2007-03-27T00:50:00.001+08:00

I finally decided to start an earring blog displaying and selling my creations. I've decided to label it Flutters, after the fluttering wings of a butterfly. Please visit and leave me your comments.

I'm really excited about this and it keeps me happy. Finally, I dared to venture into something other than something I'm comfortable with. There is a price to pay though... dark circles and eye bags under me eyes due to lack of sleep (Sobs!).

See, lawyers can be creative too. If you still have the perception of a lawyer as someone who speaks flawlessly, wears black rimmed serious glasses, always puts up her hair, always wears a crease-less suit and court shoes, looks for every opportunity to argue with you from the colour of the walls to what you should and should not eat... well, it's time to change that archaic perception. (Although, speaking flawlessly is something I wish I possess).

Hope you... yes, you reading this now... will visit Flutters and make me happy!

Likeables

2007-03-24T14:58:00.003+08:00

Recently, I had a long conversation with a friend of 10 years and she told me off hand that she has noticed the negative, complaining postings lately. That gave me a rude awakening - she was right. I got to thinking and realized that there is a lot of negativity going on around me, most of which comes from the "island". The negativity caused the following (told ya I love making lists):-

me noticing the stuff that bothers me more than usual (hence the complaints);
me seeing good things as somehow bad;
me not making an effort to see the good in things and people;
hindrances from hearing from God although I really want to;
me getting depressed (sobs);
me sighing more than usual (sighs...).

This can't be good.

I made a promise to myself that my next posting (ie this one) shall be something good. I decided to make a list of things I like (and here goes another list):-

(1) My Mac

(2) Playing music (as best as I know how)

(3) Making cards (I have not bought a card since ages ago)

(4) Sleeping (I think Ashley agrees)

(5) Rocky!! (I hate it when I reach for the last stick so I always buy 2 boxes so that I can look forward to the next one... until I reach for the last stick of the next box...)

(6) Listening to music (to read what CD says, click on picture!)

(7) (Window) shopping

(8) My car (to drive myself shopping.. haha)

(9) Lilac anything

(10) And of course, making earrings (this one was custom made and has been sold)

Phew. Now that wasn't so bad, was it?

Oh yeah, to date, I've sold 5 pairs of earrings. Not bad for doing something for fun huh? Watch this space for more developments.

Something Dangly

2007-03-19T01:08:00.001+08:00

It's late and I should be sleeping. But someone asked me to make a pair of earrings for someone else, so I went on a roll. What do you think?

I got this idea off some internet website. It wasn't easy!!! Especially since I don't have what they call a jig and I don't have sterling wire (they are really expensive!!). I chose aluminium wire so that they won't rust. I thought it was a rather novel idea, coz I don't often see wire earrings here.

I felt like making something brown. I'm not really satisfied with this though.. might change how this one looks.

Now, to bed.

Confessions of a Private Person

2007-03-17T23:35:00.002+08:00

I do not appreciate invasion of space nor being taking for granted. I keep to my boundaries, so people should keep to theirs. This is me.

I just wish they'd respect my space as I've respected theirs. I wish they'd know better. If they didn't know, they should have asked. I wish they'd just leave me alone.

Now to think of a way to rebuke them, calmly, lovingly, straight to the point. This is what I do not like to do, but I cannot allow this and then quietly be depressed about it.

Sighs. Loud sighs.

Consider This

2007-03-14T01:42:00.002+08:00

If only everyone thought about other people before they do anything. I was driving to SS18 one day and I had to pump my car tyres. There must be a million petrol stations along the journey but I've only managed to pump my car tyres after the 7th petrol station, because the air pumps at the first 6 stations either went bonkers or something was missing from the air pumps.

It can be 2 things - either these air pumps were badly maintained (which is likely the case) or people did not bother to take care of them (which is also likely). It's probably both. It infuriated me because it was such a simple errand I had to run but it became such a chore.

On another occasion, the tea lady went on a break for 10 days and in those 10 days, the pantry was filthy. Most did not bother to wash up (even their own measly mug which would take less than a minute) knowing that the tea lady ain't gonna be there to clean up after them. Sighs.

These could happen if we would spare a thought about other people more often:-
Less traffic because we would have kept to our lanes and not jump queues;Less "destroyed" public property, including air pumps at petrol stations and public phones;Church will be cleaner because we would pick up our (and other people's) rubbish from the floor and wherever else - AND we would not leave our bulletins lying on the chairs after service;Guests in church will always have food before the rest of us gobble everything up; No road blockages caused by someone who has double parked or parked almost into the middle of the road;No more mean bosses who pick on you just coz they are having a bad day;No more ringing tones from phones that were not silenced during church service, a movie in the cinema or meetings.It's a hard lesson but we have to learn it, for the sake of others.

On a different subject, something I felt like doing tonight.... (thanks for the encouraging input guys!)

Pink isn't my favourite colour so I would sell this to anyone who will take it.
Please leave a comment if you are interested.

This is What I Might Do if I Quit Practice

2007-03-06T22:08:00.002+08:00

In the past year, this is what I decided to do when I'm free or when I felt like it....

The first project. I was so pleased with myself that I decided, hey, this is great therapy for stress! Subsequently, I made a few others but gave it away as presents (for Ly, Esther, LiiT, Sam and some other people I cannot remember) so I don't have pictures of those.

The 2nd piece which I kept. These are shoulder sweepers.
(I love butterflies! No points for guessing my favourite colour.)

I realized I had tonnes of red clothes but no red earrings. In conjunction
with the recent Lunar New Year, I decided to make these.

I made these for Sweetie's nieces, because they liked the red ones
(and the butterflies) so much.

This happened recently when I was depressed for being in the island where everyone else is fleeing (Refer to the post before this one. By the way, I'm still struggling to pray for the king of the island).

One of my favourites! You can never go wrong with white.

I have not become enterprising all of a sudden (although part of me wish I had). I just figured that I should not have to keep paying for earrings of all shapes and colours when I can design and make my own (and choose whatever colour I like). But I could not be making earrings just for me, so I decided that I may want to either give them away as presents or sell them (the former will depend on whether I like the person I'm giving them to.... haha).

So, maybe I'll start selling them. Any thoughts?

For what it's worth, I love the idea of being able to do something other than legal practice. *big grin*

Changes in the Neighbourhood

2007-03-05T22:22:00.001+08:00

My neighbours who used to live on the island where I am in are moving out. One by one, they've decided to move on to greener pastures. It's pretty depressing, especially after I've gotten to know them so much better. I am happy for them because the king of the island has been a pretty mean person. I disagree with the way they were treated. At the same time, it depresses me because they've left the neighbourhood empty and quiet. It's a strange feeling; glad but really sad.

Sighs.

Order, Order

2007-02-11T17:36:00.002+08:00

There's something I realized about myself recently. I really like to keep the order of things. Although, I'm not necessarily the one keeping the order (which explains my disorderly sanctuary) but things that are not kept in order annoy me; things like:-

1) Drivers / motorists not keeping to their lane when driving, turning, changing lanes, etc;
2) People not indicating when they wanna turn or change lanes;
3) People who do not flatten their empty juice / milk cartons when discarding them;
4) Roads that are not perfectly laid and/or filled with pot holes;
5) Colours that do not match (or not tastefully mismatched);
6) Residential estates that are clearly not properly planned;
7) Parents who think it's OK to spoil their kids;
8) Bosses who do not respect his employees nor value them, however good they are;
9) Women who wear the pants in the family;
10) Documents that are not formatted properly and/or sentences that use a million words to say one thing.

Oh, one more thing. I love making lists. *smile*

Slow Down Process

2007-02-10T14:15:00.002+08:00

This is something I'd like to remember when stress gets the better of me.

An interesting reflection : Slow Down Culture

It's been 18 years since I joined Volvo, a Swedish company. Working for them has proven to be an interesting experience. Any project here takes 2 years to be finalized, even if the idea is simple and brilliant. It's a rule.

Globalize processes have caused in us (all over the world) a general sense of searching for immediate results. Therefore, we have come to posses a need to see immediate results. This contrasts greatly with the slow movements of the Swedish. They, on the other hand, debate, debate, debate, hold x quantity of meetings and work with a slowdown scheme. At the end, this always yields better results.

Said in another words:
1. Sweden is about the size of San Pablo, a state in Brazil.
2. Sweden has 2 million inhabitants.
3. Stockholm, has 500,000 people.
4. Volvo, Escania, Ericsson, Electrolux, Nokia are some of its renowned
companies. Volvo supplies the NASA.

The first time I was in Sweden, one of my colleagues picked me up at the hotel every morning. It was September, bit cold and snowy. We would arrive early at the company and he would park far away from the entrance (2000 employees drive their car to work). The first day, I didn't say anything, either the second or third. One morning I asked, "Do you have a fixed parking space? I've noticed we park far from the entrance even when there are no other cars in the lot." To which he replied, "Since we're here early we'll have time to walk, and whoever gets in late will be late and need a place closer to the door. Don't you think?" Imagine my face.

Nowadays, there's a movement in Europename Slow Food. This movement establishes that people should eat and drink slowly, with enough time to taste their food, spend time with the family, friends, without rushing. Slow Food is against its counterpart: the spirit of Fast Food and what it stands for as a lifestyle. Slow Food is the basis for a bigger movement called Slow Europe, as mentioned by Business Week.

Basically, the movement questions the sense of "hurry" and "craziness" generated by globalization, fueled by the desire of "having in quantity" (life status) versus "having with quality", "life quality" or the "quality of being". French people, even though they work 35 hours per week, are more productive than Americans or British. Germans have established 28.8 hour workweeks and have seen their productivity been driven up by 20%. This slow attitude has brought forth the US's attention, pupils of the fast and the "do it now!".

This no-rush attitude doesn't represent doing less or having a lower productivity. It means working and doing things with greater quality, productivity, perfection, with attention to detail and less stress. It means reestablishing family values, friends, free and leisure time. Taking the "now", present and concrete, versus the "global", undefined and anonymous. It means taking humans' essential values, the simplicity of living.

It stands for a less coercive work environment, more happy, lighter and more productive where humans enjoy doing what they know best how to do. It's time to stop and think on how companies need to develop serious quality with no-rush that will increase productivity and the quality of products and services, without losing the essence of spirit.

In the movie, Scent of a Woman, there's a scene where Al Pacino asks a girl to dance and she replies, "I can't, my boyfriend will be here any minute now". To which Al responds, "A life is lived in an instant". Then they dance to a tango.

Many of us live our lives running behind time, but we only reach it when we die of a heart attack or in a car accident rushing to be on time. Others are so anxious of living the future that they forget to live the present, which is the only time that truly exists. We all have equal time throughout the world. No one has more or less. The difference lies in how each one of us does with our time. We need to live each moment. As John Lennon said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans".

Congratulations for reading till the end of this message. There are many who will have stopped in the middle so as not to waste time in this globalized world.

*Source Unknown

My Darling English Parents (et al)

2007-02-04T21:14:00.006+08:00

I've never posted pictures on my blog... until now. The Beeston Oasis now has its own website and the pictures they've posted brought back tears to my eyes.

Bob, still looking young and dandy! I miss his words of wisdom and kind composition.

This picture reminds me of the times I spent at the Oasis Kitchen with Pat while she cuts up meat or cake or pudding and I observe and learn while being tempted to eat whatever food she has prepared, even if I was just so full (of food).

I love you, my English parents, and miss you so so much!! But wait, there is more....

Matt and little Lucy at Christingle. I could not find a picture of Christy though.

The entrance of the Beeston Oasis. The sight of it was always a relief to me especially when I had to walk to church on a winter Sunday.

Surprise Response

2007-02-04T21:14:00.005+08:00

Never underestimate the power of a kind or encouraging word. It does wonders and brings people together in ways unimaginable.

*Image taken from http://www.tatty-teddy.net/vcard/index.php.
Tatty Teddy is drawn by Mr. Mike Payne and is property of Carte Blanche Greetings Ltd.

Traffic in the Morning and Chinese Houses

2007-02-02T09:38:00.001+08:00

When they closed the roads recently due to some useless practices for some celebrations (this was in the morning DURING peak hours too), I was stuck in traffic for 2 whole hours before I arrived at the office. 2 questions :

why must they close the roads during peak hours knowing FULL WELL that it will add to the already really bad traffic; and
if they were to close the roads and it has to be during peak hours, why did they not re-direct traffic properly to minimize the traffic.

In the mist of my frustrations and moving only 2 inches per minute, I decided to wipe up my dashboard, arrange my shoes nicely, rearranged my glove compartment, found some rubbish to throw out when I see a bin later. When that was done, I was still stuck at the same place. SIGHS.

Then I started to observe people. One man was so resigned to the fact that he'll be stuck there he decided to wind down his windows and smoke. He opened a fresh new box of cigarettes, then THREW THE WRAPPING OUTTA HIS CAR. No doubt, it's not as big as a ball of rubbish but still... I'm amazed that at this day and age, where technology is so readily available, where education is found at the tip of our fingertips, where we capable of building highways and high buildings, we still have people who lack civic mindedness; simple things like not littering. Today's a cigarette wrapper, tomorrow's a tissue, who knows what's gonna happen if everyone does that. Is it because we are so caught up in "advancing" that our people's minds are not?

Then as I approached the toll area and the road widened, I noticed cars stuffed themselves into every nook they can find. My head was screaming "Don't you realize that if you don't follow the queues, you'll make traffic worse!!!!!" Cars were inches away from me, believing they can stuff through the small space between my car and the car next to me. Thankfully they believed correctly, otherwise I'll be whopping some butts by now.

Back to the office at 10.30am, I was happy that it was only 2 and a half hours to lunch break. I was back to civilization, with people who believed as strongly about littering as I do.

Yesterday I helped mom clean up her kitchen. Or should I say, clear up. As we cleared, we discovered empty glass bottles and jars from ketchups, jams and peanut butters, empty bottles we never use, empty plastic containers saved from eating McDonald's sundaes and mango puddings - which of course we never used. I prompted my mother to throw these away coz we'll NEVER use them. She finally did, but not without hesitation. I told her she's only cramping up her kitchen and she does not need these stuff. Almost had to sit her down and look her in the eye. She finally agreed with me but in the last attempt to defend her keeping those thing, she said I'd probably do the same when my turn comes and I have my own place.

I hereby declare, I'm a "throw-er". Have decided to be a few Chinese New Years ago, and will always be. Sweetie, not to worry, I will throw away things more than you do. At least I won't keep used gum! I do want to be a milimalist and I will be, whether I'm related to the chinese mentality or not. From now on, we throw away the containers of everything, from ice creams to chili sauces - why in the world would you keep them thinking you'll use them when you won't and then going through the same thing again next year?

Anyway we ended up with 2 huge bags of stuff to recycle. And that's not even the end of it.

Ok, I admit, when it comes to notes and books, I'll usually keep them eventhough I don't use them. I promise to repent.

Resolutions?

2007-01-23T13:18:00.001+08:00

December was hectic, so January has become my December and February shall be the start of the new year, because I said so.

Let me see... my resolutions (not in order of importance) shall be:-

1) Listen to God more;
2) Care about people (especially mom and dad) more;
3) Take care of myself better;
4) Pray more! Especially for people I want to care about;
5) Practice piano (Eugene's gonna kill me if he finds out about this);
6) Keep my room clean in case of surprise visits from church family (very important!);
7) Exercise the spirit of excellance in whatever I do, although I don't feel like it;
8) Pray for boss (yuck!);
9) Care for my cell members better;
10) Watch less TV (howl!!).

That must not be all, but it'll have to do for now. Phew!

Next on my thought list is who do I want to get to know better this year. Tonnes! But I shall keep this to myself because otherwise it'll seem like it's something I have to do on my list rather than getting to know them because I sincerely care about them.

Happy new year... to me...

In All Circumstances

2007-01-23T13:14:00.001+08:00

God loves me in the midst of everything good or bad, He defends me and is on my side, right here, right now, no matter what people say! God rocks!

1 John 4:16

Ralph Lauren

2007-01-17T13:30:00.001+08:00

Never buy expensive pantyhose because it will still tear like paper in the end. *frustrated*

Inactive Person

2007-01-17T01:24:00.001+08:00

I've been labeled as "inactive" for obvious reasons. So, although it's way past my bedtime, I promised my friends that I will update my blog because they are sick and tired of seeing the same page again and again. I take all the blame and liabilities for not updating my blog. It has been so long I didn't even know they came up with a newer version.

January is usually the time I take to think about the past year, the ups and downs, how God has blessed me and start being thankful for what I have and the people I love. *It is also the time I eliminate people who are not important in my life... hehe.. kidding* But seriously, it's the time I evaluate people around me. NOT how important they are or not, but whether I've taken the effort and time to care for them and whether I've grown any closer to them.

My darling church friends came all the way to visit me tonight. That says tonnes about my relationship with them. That also made me realize that I love them so much more than I thought I did. I thought to myself, where else would I find such wonderful church family. It's true. That's the same question I've been asking since the end of last year. Questions about whether I've cared enough for my church family and whether I've neglected them unknowingly.

I have been thinking about moving on to another ministry. Spoke to the relevant people, shared with close friends, asked myself tonnes of questions. I was wondering and praying about whether I'm still called to be in the cell ministry or should I concentrate more on the Worship Ministry. But God is good and He shut doors where He didn't want me to go. There was a lot of passiveness which frustrated me a lot of times but on hindsight, He was leading me somewhere. At the moment, I'm still staying put, still thinking, still praying. I'm more confident that God will lead me in His own time, so I worry less and I wonder less nowadays.

Last year was full of things I don't want to talk about, but God reminded me of some great things too. Changing jobs, working together with incredibly talented people on the church musical, working together as a cell for Christmas (I enjoyed the gift making more than the acting), how God carried me all the way to Penang and back and how He was with me all along and helped me find favour with people, retreats with cell friends, getting to know some people a bit more and caring about them more. I also started to observe people and is more appreciative of their God given talents and different characters.

I do think this year, there'll be more exciting stuff to expect. God will do great things in us and it's for us to just expect the unexpected, as it always is with Him.

May I be taken off the "inactive list" now?

When God seems far away

2006-08-26T00:21:00.001+08:00

I listen to this song almost every other day... it has become one of my favourites, because Steven Curtis Chapman puts it so well.

This serves as a reminder to me that God is never really far away...

Steven Curtis Chapman
Sometimes He Comes In The Clouds

These are the places I was so sure I'd find Him
I've looked in the pages
And I've looked down on my knees
I've lifted my eyes in expectation
To see the sun still refusing to shine, but...

[Chorus:]
Sometimes He comes in the clouds
Sometimes His face cannot be found
Sometimes the sky is dark and grey
But some things can only be known
And sometimes our faith can only grow
If we can't see
So sometimes He comes in the clouds

Sometimes I see me, a sailor out on the ocean
So brave and so sure as long as the skies are clear
But when the clouds start to gatherI watch my faith turn to fear, but...

Sometimes He comes in the clouds
Sometimes His face cannot be found
Sometimes the sky is dark and grey
But some things can only be known
And sometimes our faith can only grow
If we can't see
Sometimes He comes in the rain

And we question the pain
And wonder why God can seem so far away
But time will show us
He was right there with us, and...

Sometimes He comes in the clouds
Sometimes His face cannot be found
Sometimes the sky is dark and grey
But some things can only be known
And sometimes our faith can only grow
When we can't see
So sometimes He comes in the clouds

This encourages me especially when it feels as if I can't seem to find God anywhere.

A Refreshed Mind

2006-08-02T22:32:00.001+08:00

Holidays either refresh you or wear you out. I'm happy to report that the recent one was truly refreshing.

Why do people travel? For me, it's to learn, experience and live a totally different culture for a while. That's why you'll seldom find my face in the pictures I take - taking pictures on my travels are mostly me trying to capture life in a foreign place. Sometimes, a foreign place may have the familiarity of home in a warm and strange way - the feeling that will make me say "I can live with this".

I had the privilege of traveling to Bangkok in the first week of August. Apart from the heat and the traffic, it was ok, I guess. Somehow, although I did try to bask in the culture of the Thai people, it did not amaze me in any bizarre way. Maybe it was the heat. But I did lots of shopping though; I never knew I could shop so much before.

Then I was able to have an extended holiday in Hong Kong a week ago. It was smack in the middle of summer (again, much to my dismay) and I must say, I don't fancy the heat much. Again, I shopped a lot, more than ever before. It was good.

I also had the opportunity to visit an old friend. I must say, it was good seeing him again. Somehow, picking up where we left off came naturally. Then I got to thinking about people around me, the people that God had placed in my life. The choice I have to make with regard to every single one of them, whether to make a difference or to pass it off as just another person. To choose to make a difference if of course a noble choice, but it is often the most difficult to make coz it involves time and energy. But if God wanted to use me to make a difference, who am I to say I lack the time or energy?

After that it was off to Shanghai to visit two more friends. By this time, I was feeling extremely blessed. I was feeling that God is speaking to me, eventhough I wasn't really asking. I knew I was seeking in my heart, but I didn't really ask Him. He reached out to me anyway and I thank Him for it. I keep thinking and evaluating my life, where I want to be, where He wants me to be, why I'm here now, etc etc. That He has His perfect timing although we question it, even when we know in our heads that He knows far better than we do.

Being overseas for so many days re-lit the desire I have to leave this place and live life in a foreign country. It takes tonnes of effort and stamina to want to move out of this comfortable place called home - it's much easier to just be comfortable and get on with life. But that's not what I want. I don't want to just be comfortable. I want to experience things, see things, learn things - things that I will never experience, see or learn if I stayed in the comfort of just being where I am.

But again, God has His own timing and plans for me. For us. Being back home has somewhat left me feeling melancholic, but I guess that's normal. That's the feeling everyone gets once play time's over. It's now time to work hard - in a new place with new opportunities and tonnes of uncertainties. That's how we learn, I guess.

New lesson.. and new hobby!!

2006-06-13T15:30:00.001+08:00

I was having a discussion with some friends about how we can reach out to people and tell them about Christ. We came to the conclusion that, we just have to be cool!! There is no such thing as "my method of reaching out is a quiet one." If I am a quiet person by nature, the more I should step out and be bold for Christ!!

I used to think I am the quiet type (especially to strangers.. it's true!!) and all I have to do is to live a life reflecting Christ. I tell myself and people around me I reach out through testimonies. I guess that's not wrong. But if that's all I can do, then maybe it's time to do a bit more.

Someone told me we need to get out of our comfort zones for Christ. The very thought of that scares me to bits, but I must say I totally agree with him.

So new lesson : get outta my comfort zone. Right now. Stop doing things that I feel "comfortable" with and start doing things I fear. Like talking to mom more.. and looking for opportunities to share Christ (the opportunities have become clearer, but I'm still too scared to do anything.. boo hoo hoo... sorry God!!).

I've also decided to make thank you cards for people in my firm before I leave. That'll be nice. Plus, I like doing it. I must stop spending money to get more resources and work with what I have though, seeing that I'm still in "Broke-land".

Next weekend, for Father's Day, our cell group's gonna form a band!! That'll be so cool. I suspect they enjoy doing things like these, but they need to be pushed.

It's 2 more weeks to the Bangkok trip!! And 5 more weeks to my last and final day!!

Moving On

2006-06-12T11:56:00.001+08:00

I have decided to move on in my career. The few days preceeding to resignation is stressful at best. The time of my resignation was like a huge boulder being removed from my shoulders.

But the time after my resignation proved to be the worst. I'm bracing myself to things that could get worse than "worst". However, the treatment I'm getting has made me see many things about the people that now still surround me:-

1) that certain people do not take kindly to resignations. They see it as you waging war against them rather than you just moving on to something better for you;

2) that when something is intended to be purely professional, certain people tend to take it personally;

3) that somehow, people do not know how to accept your decision on something, especially when they can't understand it.

While conversing with a friend today, I am being reminded of something. Perhaps this is a good time for me to spend with God instead of wasting my time doing nothing. Plus, I can't go for the sales coz I'm rather broke. What a great opportunity to renew my strength and refresh my faith!!

Uncle H said over the weekend in church that we need to pen down our life purposes, mission and our personal statement. I think I shall go think about it right now.

Tip of the Mountain

2006-03-24T13:42:00.001+08:00

Ever had one of those periods of time in your life when everything's green and rosy and you think life is really great, thank God that He gave you wisdom to be good at what you do and for the life you have and the place He has put you?

But at the back of your head, you are thinking this is really too good to be true, one day, something will crumble (coz that's how life works - God didn't give us a bed of roses coz that'll just make us stupid) and will go wrong. You are waiting and waiting and praying that it will not be a huge wrong, it'll just be a teeny wrong and you'll be able to rectify it in time and things will get back to the normal great life God has granted you.

And then, it happens, and it happens to be something more than you can take.

For me, that is today.

Know what's worse than being reprimanded for something you know you don't deserve? Being reprimanded for something you DO deserve, coz that just makes you think you CAN actually be quite stupid.

In my head, I know it's a mistake I had to make at some point to be better in the future but I didn't know it will make me feel so terrible. It feels as if people can't trust you anymore (forget about the zillions of times you had things right, that doesn't count.. sorry), you can't concentrate on anything until it passes, and it won't pass just like that.

I keep telling myself, I'm going to learn from this and never make the same mistake again. But the repercussions are rather huge to just dismiss this as 'something for me to learn'. And the kind of feeling it creates (I'm a foolish feeler, eventhough I sometimes tell myself to stay focussed on the matter, not how I feel about it) makes it seem as if this is the end of me, my career, and the good impression I've attempted to create so far.

Even if my "reprimand-or" (if there is such a word) says she forgives me, I'm not sure I'm going to be able to "be ok" about it.

One day, I'm going to look back and realize that God allowed this to happen so that I can become wiser (and not stay stupid). And I'm going to thank God for that.

But for now, I've gotta go downhill for a while (coz I've reached the tip of the mountain, and the only way is down), not knowing when the end of 'downhill' will be. While I'm going downhill, I shall just trust in God's strength to pull me through, as He always does.

Now, to get rid of this sickly feeling......

Sufficient Grace

2006-01-11T18:10:00.001+08:00

Dearest Lord,

You told me yesterday that Your grace is sufficient for me. Daily, Your grace is sufficient. You do not give me the answers for tomorrow but You give me grace for today because you want me to learn something bigger than this.

Today, things have become worse, and it has become even more frustrating. I don't know what to ask for - whether for help so things are better or for change in myself so that I become stronger.

Everything seems to have failed. Nothing is working; there is no forseeable help from those around me.

I'm so tempted to ask why. Why now, why me?

This is getting so hard to take in, Lord. Please help.

New Year Niceties

2005-12-30T17:48:00.001+08:00

It's 15 minutes to the end of the last working day of year 2005 and I two nice things have happened today that I'd like to remember:-

Someone told me that I am a good lawyer, that I can do this, properly and perfectly; that if ever I think I am a bad solicitor, it will only be because of my own laziness (to which I agree, the laziness part, I mean);
Sweetie personally delivered to me a new year rose! It was both surprising and touching. I'd say 2005 hasn't been such a bad year;
Closer to my heart, cell was wonderful, cell members were nice in so many ways, we had a great Christmas play, great friends who are fun and encouraging, some great colleagues who have become great friends.

Resolutions? I don't believe in them, but if there were any, it would be:-

More dicipline to make time for God;
Learning to love even when it hurts / it's hard to;
Contributing more to family life;
Learning the most I can from this job;
Finding out more about what I really wanna be, as a lawyer and as a Christian.

I Remember

2005-12-03T22:32:00.001+08:00

I remember waking up in the morning under my duvet, unwilling to get out because I know it will be cold and I was really cozy beneath.

I remember having everything within my reach, because my room was small and cozy and I liked it that way.

I remember the walk to the West Entrance, against the icy cold winds of the fall, taking my heavy coat off halfway during the journey because I would be sweating from walking for almost 15 minutes already.

I remember going into warm lecture halls, the feeling of my cheeks getting rosy because I just got in from the cold.

I remember the walk to the Oasis on Sunday mornings; I would have woken up only half an hour ago because the walk to the Oasis is barely 5 minutes. I remember walking into the warm hugs of my english mother and the moments when she would hold me, cold ears, fingers and all, just so that I would feel warm, inside and out.

I remember the shopping trips on Beeston Highstreet, going into secondhand shops, the littlest Dorothy Perkins I've ever seen and the tiny drugstores along the way. I remember the lil' morning market where I could get garlic; 5 bulbs for 50p - the cheapest I could ever find.

I remember going to Sainsbury with Li, resolving only to window shop, but always ending up with two big bags too much for us to carry.

I remember walking through University Park in the spring to find cherry blossoms everywhere - even in places you never notice.

I remember the cookouts with Li, and Sher would observe and talk to us in the kitchen, and Seems will cook her indian specialties, and we would all laugh at each other.

I remember the walk to the Oasis on Fridays to help out with the kitchen, where my english mum would cook up a storm, and eventhough I didn't feel happy, I would....... eventually. I remember not feeling like helping out, and english mum said it was ok.

I remember 44, the gathering of friends, the exchanges, the catching up, watching MTV and doing nothing.

It was a time when friends were as close as we get, when I get to spend all my free time with people I love, when english hospitality is at its best, when church was never boring, when worship songs were almost the same week after week but it never ceased to touch me, when everywhere I go, I walk, when neighbours were good friends, when I was closest to God.

I will never forget.

Mornings

2005-11-06T17:18:00.001+08:00

I was rushing on my way to church for practice this morning, and a thought suddenly crossed my mind - maybe church starting at 9am is not such a good idea after all. Having church at 9am means having practice at 8am (which is really the time practice should start if we want to have real practice), which also means I've gotta wake up at 6.45am to get ready and drive from where I live to where church is (not near at all).

Then later another thought crossed my mind - church ended at 12noon and beyond. Which means service lasted for more than three hours. Is that a good thing?

I used to go to my former church which service starts at 8.45am. Now, that's relatively early, even earlier than now. But we always ended at 10.30am, or on later days, 11am. And, this church is in KL, about 10 mins drive from where I live. But this is merely circumstantial, of course.

I searched my heart. Is this my flesh speaking? Just coz I can't wake up early enough to make it most of the time, I'm I having doubts that it's not a good thing after all? Or is it really not a good thing for me? Am I being selfish? Am I the only one thinking this?

Being able to go to work at partially flexible hours do not help my mornings. (Partially flexible meaning so long at it's not too late and preferably before 10am). I never really get to work on time. Which means more time to sleep, and if you know me well enough, sleep is important to me. So if I never wake up early on usual days, it would be harder to wake up on a Sunday, of course. Is that the problem then?

This is the struggle in my mind of late. I guess the question I need to ask and pray about (before talking to someone about it) is whether having church at 9am is good for the general congregation. Are people really benefitting? Since this change is done in view of encouraging more prayer time, are we all really praying more? Or is it just a matter of an earlier and longer service?

Just some Blah

2005-11-04T16:40:00.001+08:00

I'm writing this on Sweetie's new laptop, and it's not easy. But it's really tiny, versatile, compact, convenient (notwithstanding the occasional minor electric shocks while the thing is charging - well, you can't have everything....).

The holidays so far has been rather relaxing and fun. Good time to catch up with friends and family... more friends than family actually. Before I know it, it will be time to get back to work. Sob sob....

We visited LC yesterday. It was really good. She's expecting her baby next month. Wow... one of us... having a baby soon... so sureal. We had a good prayer time together. It's funny how it is with friends who share the faith - you never contact them for years, but once you do, it's like we are still able to share our innermost concerns because we know in our hearts we understand that above all, God knows exactly what we need. All we have to do is to commit to Him and remind each other to commit to Him.

Nothing else really interesting other than that, I think. Nothing worth writing about. No profound thoughts (that I can recall... yet...).

Just one lazy afternoon hanging out with Sweetie and being together. Yawn.

Rules, rules, rules

2005-10-03T17:50:00.001+08:00

Are rules and regulations made to be broken? Is it for us non rule makers to say "Hey, it's a stupid rule, so why should I obey it?"

I've always believed that when a rule is made, it is made based on an underlying reason. The authorities did not wake up one morning and say, "Hey, let's torture the people and make a rule to annoy them!"

For example, a no entry area exist probably because either something bad has happened before, or that the road is really far too narrow. Household rules are made so that the household can run properly. The Legal Profession rulings exist to preserve the dignity of the profession. And so on and so forth.

Problem is, some rules go against the wants of some of us. Maybe it's inconvenient, maybe it's not conducive for business, maybe it costs more to obey them.

Let's see what the Bible says... hmm... hmm... where's that verse.....

"1 Remind them to be subject to rulers and authorities, to obey, to be ready for every good work, 2 to speak evil of no one, to be peaceable, gentle, showing all humility to all men.

Titus 3:1"

"17 Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you.

Hebrews 13:17"

Of course, all this is subject to any rules made contrary to God's laws, which reign supreme in our lives. The Bible never said obey only if it's convenient for you, or doesn't make you lose money.

So yes, God says obey them rules, even if they are stupid. One day, one might discover that the rule is not that stupid after all and ignoring/disobeying it may prove fatal.

I'm going to let me superiors down and tell them I want to obey the ruling instead of ignoring it like the rest of the world. If they think I'm being stupid or unco-operative, that's their problem. I feel that God is prompting me to do the right thing.

And now, I only pray for courage. I only live for God, not work, not money, not even my parents. Only with God as my courage, I will walk free.

Workplace Relationships

2005-09-22T17:52:00.001+08:00

I stumbled upon this website; http://www.christianitytoday.com/workplace/. Thought it will be a good read to keep me from compromising my faith at work.

Recently, I've learnt not to reveal my true self to people especially at work. It's really a sad state to be in, but perhaps necessary to protect oneself.

The place where I work is wrought with people who are not really interested being better and learning the trade. I feel that most of them just want to get through the day. Of course, there will be days when I want to just get through the day, but I have to keep reminding myself that I cannot waste time and must learn as much as I can.

However, being in such an environment is not always conducive for learning. For example, if I am suppose to deal with a file, I might try my level best to deal with it, while people who are appointed to assist me may just leave me to do every single thing. Or they may just tell themselves not to worry their little minds, I'll do everything in the end.

Which makes me wonder whether I'm actually learning or just picking up after people coz they refuse to do their part. It saddens me as I'm writing this, because I might have wasted three hours out of nine just trying to do other people's work.

What will Jesus do? I really don't know. Jesus exerted His authority over people and had to be hard on them when they disobeyed eventhough He loved them. Like the time when He went into the temple and was angry as the people had misused His Father's house.

And that is precisely what I'm struggling to do. To keep good work relationships but at the same time be hard on my staff. Not take work related things personally. I'd like to believe I'm at least a quarter there.

I've also learnt that not everyone is who they seem to be. Perhaps that's why you can't really make real friends at work. It's rare to have a friend-colleague, but I thank God I do have one. (And if he is reading this, stop grinning!)

Sigh.... you learn something new everyday. In the end, you will come out stronger and wiser. And I'll just have to hold on to that for the time being.

For Lucy

2005-08-12T10:59:00.002+08:00

Dear Lucy,

Welcome to the world!! Your daddy sent me some pictures of you - gosh you are tiny. I'm so glad you are finally here.

You'd probably not meet me anytime soon due to the distance between us. But I think of you, and that's why I am writing. Thought I'd share with you some of the great experiences I had in Nottingham where you live; when daddy and mommy was in the same homegroup as I.
Daddy and mommy never fails to update me with what's happening over where you live. So exciting. Daddy did say he was going to come to Malaysia for a quick visit, but because you were on the way, he didn't. But please come!! When you are old enough to travel, you must come here, you hear? If daddy and mommy forgets that they were supposed to pay me a visit, you remind them, ok? (By the way, your daddy laughed at me coz I drink tea without milk - he promised to send me tea from England, but I have yet to receive it. You must defend me and annoy him by drinking tea without milk ok?

You must have already met Pat and Bob - they are wonderful people. When you finally grow teeth, you must ask Pat to cook for you. Trust me on this one. She can whip up a storm in seconds. I miss them so much. Every Sunday morning at the Oasis, they greet me with a warm hug. This is especially nice when it was winter time and I was all 'frozen' from the cold. God bless them.

You'll love the Oasis. When you enter, there is a certain warmth (and I'm not talking about the 'heater warmth' here) that you cannot explain. God spoke to me so many times there. I can still imagine in my head how Oasis looks like. And the kitchen; where I spent most of my Friday evenings helping out.

You are so lucky to be living in the suburbs. I love the suburbs. Here in Kuala Lumpur, city life is rather hectic. It's harder to say hello to people you meet on the street coz it doesn't feel as safe as it does in Beeston. At the moment now, we are battling the haze due to forest fires in Indonesia. The Air Polution Index is at the hazardous level at the moment. It's hard to breathe, coz there is no fresh air. People are advised to stay indoors and not go out unnecessarily.
Please ask daddy, mommy, Bob and Pat to pray for us here in KL ok? I wish I was in England. At least it will be cold, nice and fresh. Trust me, you'd rather have the cold than this.

Anyway, meanwhile it's back to work as usual. Take care, Luc. If I get a chance, I'll certainly come visit you. Send my love to daddy and mommy.

Love,
Me

Road to Maturity

2005-08-10T18:14:00.001+08:00

As I grow older (and hopefully in maturity), I've come to realize the importance of separating work with play and differentiating how I deal with people at work, in church and at home. Of course, this is by no means being hypocritical - just handling different situations/people differently I guess.

For example, if I am to be nasty at work just so that people don't take advantage of me (she's nice, she'll do anything we ask her to, she won't get angry at us), it doesn't follow that I should be nasty in church just so people in church doesn't take advantage of me. Just because work culture is "do this pronto without being asked" doesn't mean church culture becomes "you are serving God right? So you should do this pronto without being asked." If work is similar to church, then what is the meaning of grace and mercy?

Sadly, so many people bring their work culture to church. "Hey we should be doing this man, coz it's good. Why ask so many questions? Do it, pronto." And then, there is "So and so used to serve together with me in X ministry. Not so efficient. Maybe not a good idea to ask her to do this."

Are all these really necessary? What happened to encouragement and speaking life into people? What happened to being tactful so that we do not discourage unneccesarily?

The other thing I am struggling with must be separating work issues on a case to case basis. I think I have a tendancy to label people. If someone does something wrong, I find myself saying "Ok that's it. I'm not letting her do anything anymore coz that just gets me into trouble". And then, I have a difficulty talking with him/her when it comes to other matters.

Recently too, I did something wrong at work which boss found fit to shout at. After which, I felt really bad and was really angry at myself. I was also thinking, oh gosh, she'll never trust me with anything big anymore. There goes my increment. There goes my annual review.

But, (and I thank God for this 'but') the next moment we were discussing about another matter, and yet again she entrusted me with it. So it got me thinking. Maybe we are not supposed to label people like "irresponsible", "lazy", "can't handle big things", etc just coz they've represented to be that way on occasion. Otherwise, we can never trust anyone!

And now, I'm sure we are not supposed to label people like that. I think a lot of people (including me) forget we are all human who make mistakes, and just because we see someone else make a mistake does not mean we won't make the same mistake if we were in that person's shoes. If we readily judge people and do not give them chances, and other people do the same to us, no one will never have a chance to do anything!

So yes... another day, another lesson.... on the road to maturity...

"An Apple Parable"

2005-07-12T11:23:00.001+08:00

I got this email from a friend, and I thought it was a really good read. So I decided to keep it....

"I bought an Apple iBook last year.I really enjoyed using it and became a Mac convert.For awhile.

After about four and a half months, horrors. The LCD screen cracked. I was opening the note book to use one evening and the screen cracked. A diagonal crack from the top right hand corner to the bottom left hand corner. No problem. It was still within the warranty period.

So I brought it back to the shop.To be told that the one year warranty did not cover screen cracks. (This was never told to me.)I was told that the screen cannot crack. If it cracked I must have dropped it. Or dropped something heavy on it. But screens do not crack. And therefore the warranty does not cover cracked screens. It would cost me about 1/3 the purchase price to replace the screen. I said, "hello, I have been using notebooks since you were a gleam in your father's eye. I have used a Fujitsu, a Gateway, and an IBM before and I have never had a screen crack on me . And I know for a fact that the notebook was sitting on my desk and the screen cracked when I opened the cover."The reply came: "sorry, rules are rules."

I tried begging. I told them I was a poor church worker. Please take pity on me. That didn't work. (I guess poor church workers wouldn't be using Apples to begin with.)Then the famous Soo Inn temper began to flare. I threatened to besmirch the name of Apple through my mailing list. I threatened to call my lawyers. I threatened to bring my case to the consumers tribunal.I huffed and I puffed.To no avail. I can't remember if I prayed.

But soon it was the Christmas period and all those in church related vocations had their hands full telling people about God's grace. So I didn't have the time or the energy to carry through any of my threats.In the meantime I went back to the dark side. I went back to my trusty ThinkPad.Winter turned into Spring and No. 1 son started university. He needed a notebook. I passed him the ThinkPad. I went back to my desktop.

One day I was rummaging through my cupboard when a familiar white notebook caught my eye. Yup, it was the damaged iBook.It was past the warranty period. I didn't have a legal leg to stand on. But perhaps changing a screen would still cost less than getting another notebook.I decided to go all the way to the top. I decided to see the head honcho of the Apple people in Malaysia. Oh yes, I decided to pray as well.

Mr. Head Honcho was very helpful. He said the first thing I needed to do was to call the Apple call centre and report what had happened. They would give me a case number. I was to bring the number to him and he would see what he could do. He would try to get me a discount on a new screen. I thought this was ok since it was past the one year warranty period.(The guys from the shop where I bought the iBook didn't tell me anything about calling the Apple centre and gave me no encouragement to see the head honcho of Apple Malaysia.)

I did as I was told. The chaps from the official Apple workshop were friendly as well. They picked up my iBook and saved me a trip to Kuala Lumpur.Two weeks later I received word. The head honcho had managed to get me a one time free replacement deal. I would get my new screen for free.

Many lessons here.The primary one is the need to trust God. And to pray as a first option. As our primary option.

No wonder Jesus said blessed are the poor (Luke 6:20).The poor do not know how to work the system. The poor do not have many lawyer friends. The poor cannot afford lawyers.Therefore they can only trust God.They get a lot of practice trusting God.

If you are middle class and more, if you have some of the world's goods, if you have some degree of formal education --- you know your rights. You know how the system works. You have a number of lawyer friends you can count on.And so when confronted with a crisis, you turn to your worldly resources. You try to work the system. You huff and you puff.And often you forget to pray.

The meta sin underneath all sin is the sin of an independent spirit, the fatal illusion that we do not really need God.We can work out our lives on our own.Which is not to say that we are to be passive and do nothing.

When the Israelites reached the promised land, they had to work the land for their food. But they knew that all good things ultimately come from God. They had learnt it during the long years in the desert (Exodus 16: 34-35). Often God will call us to colabour with Him. No, we are not called to passivity as such. It is more a stance of the heart.We are called to trust Him at all times for all things.And a key way this trust is expressed is through prayer (Philippians 4:6).

There was also another lesson here. I learnt that the Apple head honcho was a brother in Christ. He only revealed this in his last email to me.I had sent him an email to thank him for his help. He replied that he was glad to be able to help a brother in Christ.Talk about showing your faith through your works (James 2:18).He had been Christian in how he had handled my case. I had not been Christian in how I had initially tried to solve my problem.I need to say that my romantic enthusiasm for Apple has been tempered somewhat. I am grateful that I can use my iBook again. But the whole incident was a God given modern parable.I needed to learn, yet again, that I needed to trust and obey.I should have gone all the way to the top from day one.And I mean all the way.

Your brother,
Soo-Inn Tan
Write me at:sooinn@graceatwork.org"

Thanks Soo Inn for a great lesson!

What do you wanna be?

2005-07-06T00:36:00.001+08:00

I've been asked many times if I'm doing what I intended to do. Do I intend to be in legal practice for years? Do I intend to have my own firm? Do I intend to be an expert in my field? What drives me at work? And again recently, I was asked the same question.

The answer to that, to the disappointment of my enquirers, is I don't know. However, certainly, I do not intend to practice forever. Perhaps, to join the United Nations. Even so, I don't know how. Certainly not to have my own firm. If I wasn't interested in practice, why would I want my own firm? That would be like paying to torture myself.

Someone else once told me that the problem with our profession is that too many people know how to do our job. Toss a coin somewhere in the middle of town and there is a 99% chance that it will hit someone in my profession. That, I'll have to agree with.

Usually, I'll say that I'm still learning and trying to gain experience. The day I do not have to consult someone before making a decision on a file is the day I know I've got enough 'experience' in my field. My field. I don't even know what field that is yet. But I was just thinking, how would I be sure that by a certain time, I would have gained the experience I need? How would I know if it's going to be one year, two years or seven years? What drives me to improve my working skills?

A friend shared this passage with me in 2 Peter 1:3-11 :

2 Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord, 3as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue, 4by which have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises, that through these you may be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust. 5But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, 6to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, 7to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. 8For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

9For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins. 10Therefore, brethren, be even more diligent to make your call and election sure, for if you do these things you will never stumble; 11for so an entrance will be supplied to you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

I thought about this passage the whole week last week. It really inspired me. God has already given us all things that pertain to life and godliness. All things. Not some things, but all things.

Wow....

So, it's not work that I should be focused on, but the knowledge of and relationship with God. When I have this relationship, all things will fall in the right place. I already know this in my head. Now it's just trying to get my flesh and heart to conform.

All things.......

"Decent"

2005-07-04T22:54:00.001+08:00

I met up with a friend yesterday night; an old friend. He's one of those friends whom I hardly talk to (probably like once or twice a year), but we could always pick up where we left off. Everytime we meet up, he would say one thing about me; that I'm 'decent'. That I'm one of his most decent friends. That I am good for him, coz I keep him sane (or so he says). I gather that he probably said that coz he sees that I'm a practicing Christian and I hold on to my values and principles.

I really really do treasure this friendship. Years ago, I tried real hard to share the gospel with him. He, of course (being the kind of melancholic choleric person he is) was skeptical. But yesterday, he brought it up. He wasn't really seeking; perhaps he was curious. But we had yet another discussion. He was looking for evidences. I was talking about faith. We ended up agreeing to disagree, and I was ok with that.

If there was one glaring thing I learnt in this friendship, is that God does work in His own time. We always want things done NOW, but God knows that maybe now's really not a good time. He's got His way of making things happen when it's the perfect time for it to happen.

My friend may not have accepted Christ yesterday (although I've told him I'm a Christian since forever, and we've had discussions on and off for at least 7 years) but I had a good feeling that the seed that was planted grew a little, with no help from me at all. I was just there to have that discussion again. He says I'm the only person he knows who is so convicted about what I believe in and about God. Maybe he'll one day see what I see, understand what faith is, but it's not up to me to make him.

If he was reading this, and if he knew I am talking about him, I'd like to tell him that whatever becomes of him, I'll always be his friend (I know this sounds corny, but it's from the bottom of my heart). And no doubt, I'll always be here for those discussions about life, faith, God and other things we laugh about. Besides, I'm still on standby when he needs a lawyer (or so he tells me).

And of course, I'm standing by to see what God will do in his life...... in His perfect time.

Driving blues

2005-06-29T21:00:00.001+08:00

I got my car about a month ago, so I've been driving to work every single day. I must say, I truly enjoy and celebrate the mobility. However, one thing never fails to stress me out - ethical driving (or in our case, the lack of it).

What's the deal with people who just refuses to indicate when they want to cut into your lane? Do they really expect that you read their minds when they position their car in a certain way? Worse, they hesitate and you are left guessing, are they cutting in or just positioning their car in that way. And one wonders why the accident rates in this country is up and rising. And then, there are those people who are totally oblivious to the right of way. Try asking them what that is, they'll probably stare blankly at you.

Ah well....

Independence

2005-06-09T18:19:00.001+08:00

I've discovered lately that being independent is a really big thing to me. Especially since I got my car. When people say or do something that violates my independence, I tend to get a bit irritated.

I've also noticed that many guys think that girls cannot fend for themselves. They do all sorts of things to make sure the girl is 'ok'. Otherwise, the poor girl will just die off or something.
Come on now.... is that really true? In this day and age, are girls still looked upon as the 'gender that is not so capable to fend for themselves'?

Someone once told me, when God made Adam and Eve, He took Adam's rib to create Eve. That means man is to love the woman close to his heart. He did not take something from Adam's feet so that man can rule over woman, neither did He take something from Adam's head so that woman can control the man.

Close to his heart. That means, to love the woman as best as you can. But that doesn't mean fend for her. It does not mean have a preconceived impression that the woman is 'less capable'. It certainly does not mean to change the way the woman is so that she conforms to what the man thinks she should be. Of course, there is the question of submission in the Bible as well. But if I read the Bible correctly, no where does it say that submission means conformity.

I feel that, many times, while having conversations with people, men fail to realize that women do have brains, they can think for themselves, they can make their own decisions. Many times, they do not need unsolicited help / advise, but much of such are offered.

The only other thing is, while I go all out to protect my independence (from men and women alike), I have to constantly remind myself that I am NOT independent from God. Independence from God is really bad news. So yes, I thank God that whilst I have all my flaws, God accepts the person I am, while I learn everyday to be dependent on Him.

Activities Overload

2005-05-25T17:15:00.002+08:00

Camp was indeed good. I was praying for the right attitude and to rebuke bad thoughts. I didn't exactly 'feel' as if I had the right attitude, but God spoke anyways as He always does.

Team building was a success, by God's grace. We worked fairly hard, I guess, given the time we had. But it was good. We really tortured and worked people out. In the end, it was all about good fun and team spirit. It's not really who wins, but how much you've gotten to know someone through working together.

God really stirred my heart. I told God I am tired of making excuses for not spending time with Him. I really really desired to be intimate with Him. I cried my heart out - Help me focus on You! I don't want to make excuses anymore. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of taking You for granted.

For a moment, it felt like God had 'abandoned' me, although I know better. I felt nothing. I cried to God, but God did not show me anything. He did not 'speak' to me.

Then, when Pastor Daniel (who has no idea who I am nor what I do in church) prayed for me, he asked God to remove all the stuff I was doing in church ("activities") and focus on being intimate with Him, because after all that is said and done, my relationship with Him matters most. That open the floodgates (literally) and I knew God was speaking to my heart. He knew I was struggling to have that time with Him, feeling guilty and all.

So I made a commitment to God, that I will make the conscious effort to make time with Him a priority. After all, we have all the rest of the time to do other less important stuff. I am tired to hearing testimonies but not experiencing them.

All these seem so trivial for a 'long time Christian' but when one is going through it, it's a big thing.

So yes. By grace, all is well.

By grace, I am sunburnt but am still considered fair. This is the vain me speaking ;-) (Have you any idea how hard it is to find the right make up once you've "changed colour"??)