I listen to this song almost every other day... it has become one of my favourites, because Steven Curtis Chapman puts it so well.
This serves as a reminder to me that God is never really far away...
Steven Curtis Chapman
Sometimes He Comes In The Clouds
These are the places I was so sure I'd find Him
I've looked in the pages
And I've looked down on my knees
I've lifted my eyes in expectation
To see the sun still refusing to shine, but...
[Chorus:]
Sometimes He comes in the clouds
Sometimes His face cannot be found
Sometimes the sky is dark and grey
But some things can only be known
And sometimes our faith can only grow
If we can't see
So sometimes He comes in the clouds
Sometimes I see me, a sailor out on the ocean
So brave and so sure as long as the skies are clear
But when the clouds start to gatherI watch my faith turn to fear, but...
Sometimes He comes in the clouds
Sometimes His face cannot be found
Sometimes the sky is dark and grey
But some things can only be known
And sometimes our faith can only grow
If we can't see
Sometimes He comes in the rain
And we question the pain
And wonder why God can seem so far away
But time will show us
He was right there with us, and...
Sometimes He comes in the clouds
Sometimes His face cannot be found
Sometimes the sky is dark and grey
But some things can only be known
And sometimes our faith can only grow
When we can't see
So sometimes He comes in the clouds
This encourages me especially when it feels as if I can't seem to find God anywhere.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
A Refreshed Mind
Holidays either refresh you or wear you out. I'm happy to report that the recent one was truly refreshing.
Why do people travel? For me, it's to learn, experience and live a totally different culture for a while. That's why you'll seldom find my face in the pictures I take - taking pictures on my travels are mostly me trying to capture life in a foreign place. Sometimes, a foreign place may have the familiarity of home in a warm and strange way - the feeling that will make me say "I can live with this".
I had the privilege of traveling to Bangkok in the first week of August. Apart from the heat and the traffic, it was ok, I guess. Somehow, although I did try to bask in the culture of the Thai people, it did not amaze me in any bizarre way. Maybe it was the heat. But I did lots of shopping though; I never knew I could shop so much before.
Then I was able to have an extended holiday in Hong Kong a week ago. It was smack in the middle of summer (again, much to my dismay) and I must say, I don't fancy the heat much. Again, I shopped a lot, more than ever before. It was good.
I also had the opportunity to visit an old friend. I must say, it was good seeing him again. Somehow, picking up where we left off came naturally. Then I got to thinking about people around me, the people that God had placed in my life. The choice I have to make with regard to every single one of them, whether to make a difference or to pass it off as just another person. To choose to make a difference if of course a noble choice, but it is often the most difficult to make coz it involves time and energy. But if God wanted to use me to make a difference, who am I to say I lack the time or energy?
After that it was off to Shanghai to visit two more friends. By this time, I was feeling extremely blessed. I was feeling that God is speaking to me, eventhough I wasn't really asking. I knew I was seeking in my heart, but I didn't really ask Him. He reached out to me anyway and I thank Him for it. I keep thinking and evaluating my life, where I want to be, where He wants me to be, why I'm here now, etc etc. That He has His perfect timing although we question it, even when we know in our heads that He knows far better than we do.
Being overseas for so many days re-lit the desire I have to leave this place and live life in a foreign country. It takes tonnes of effort and stamina to want to move out of this comfortable place called home - it's much easier to just be comfortable and get on with life. But that's not what I want. I don't want to just be comfortable. I want to experience things, see things, learn things - things that I will never experience, see or learn if I stayed in the comfort of just being where I am.
But again, God has His own timing and plans for me. For us. Being back home has somewhat left me feeling melancholic, but I guess that's normal. That's the feeling everyone gets once play time's over. It's now time to work hard - in a new place with new opportunities and tonnes of uncertainties. That's how we learn, I guess.
Why do people travel? For me, it's to learn, experience and live a totally different culture for a while. That's why you'll seldom find my face in the pictures I take - taking pictures on my travels are mostly me trying to capture life in a foreign place. Sometimes, a foreign place may have the familiarity of home in a warm and strange way - the feeling that will make me say "I can live with this".
I had the privilege of traveling to Bangkok in the first week of August. Apart from the heat and the traffic, it was ok, I guess. Somehow, although I did try to bask in the culture of the Thai people, it did not amaze me in any bizarre way. Maybe it was the heat. But I did lots of shopping though; I never knew I could shop so much before.
Then I was able to have an extended holiday in Hong Kong a week ago. It was smack in the middle of summer (again, much to my dismay) and I must say, I don't fancy the heat much. Again, I shopped a lot, more than ever before. It was good.
I also had the opportunity to visit an old friend. I must say, it was good seeing him again. Somehow, picking up where we left off came naturally. Then I got to thinking about people around me, the people that God had placed in my life. The choice I have to make with regard to every single one of them, whether to make a difference or to pass it off as just another person. To choose to make a difference if of course a noble choice, but it is often the most difficult to make coz it involves time and energy. But if God wanted to use me to make a difference, who am I to say I lack the time or energy?
After that it was off to Shanghai to visit two more friends. By this time, I was feeling extremely blessed. I was feeling that God is speaking to me, eventhough I wasn't really asking. I knew I was seeking in my heart, but I didn't really ask Him. He reached out to me anyway and I thank Him for it. I keep thinking and evaluating my life, where I want to be, where He wants me to be, why I'm here now, etc etc. That He has His perfect timing although we question it, even when we know in our heads that He knows far better than we do.
Being overseas for so many days re-lit the desire I have to leave this place and live life in a foreign country. It takes tonnes of effort and stamina to want to move out of this comfortable place called home - it's much easier to just be comfortable and get on with life. But that's not what I want. I don't want to just be comfortable. I want to experience things, see things, learn things - things that I will never experience, see or learn if I stayed in the comfort of just being where I am.
But again, God has His own timing and plans for me. For us. Being back home has somewhat left me feeling melancholic, but I guess that's normal. That's the feeling everyone gets once play time's over. It's now time to work hard - in a new place with new opportunities and tonnes of uncertainties. That's how we learn, I guess.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
New lesson.. and new hobby!!
I was having a discussion with some friends about how we can reach out to people and tell them about Christ. We came to the conclusion that, we just have to be cool!! There is no such thing as "my method of reaching out is a quiet one." If I am a quiet person by nature, the more I should step out and be bold for Christ!!
I used to think I am the quiet type (especially to strangers.. it's true!!) and all I have to do is to live a life reflecting Christ. I tell myself and people around me I reach out through testimonies. I guess that's not wrong. But if that's all I can do, then maybe it's time to do a bit more.
Someone told me we need to get out of our comfort zones for Christ. The very thought of that scares me to bits, but I must say I totally agree with him.
So new lesson : get outta my comfort zone. Right now. Stop doing things that I feel "comfortable" with and start doing things I fear. Like talking to mom more.. and looking for opportunities to share Christ (the opportunities have become clearer, but I'm still too scared to do anything.. boo hoo hoo... sorry God!!).
I've also decided to make thank you cards for people in my firm before I leave. That'll be nice. Plus, I like doing it. I must stop spending money to get more resources and work with what I have though, seeing that I'm still in "Broke-land".
Next weekend, for Father's Day, our cell group's gonna form a band!! That'll be so cool. I suspect they enjoy doing things like these, but they need to be pushed.
It's 2 more weeks to the Bangkok trip!! And 5 more weeks to my last and final day!!
I used to think I am the quiet type (especially to strangers.. it's true!!) and all I have to do is to live a life reflecting Christ. I tell myself and people around me I reach out through testimonies. I guess that's not wrong. But if that's all I can do, then maybe it's time to do a bit more.
Someone told me we need to get out of our comfort zones for Christ. The very thought of that scares me to bits, but I must say I totally agree with him.
So new lesson : get outta my comfort zone. Right now. Stop doing things that I feel "comfortable" with and start doing things I fear. Like talking to mom more.. and looking for opportunities to share Christ (the opportunities have become clearer, but I'm still too scared to do anything.. boo hoo hoo... sorry God!!).
I've also decided to make thank you cards for people in my firm before I leave. That'll be nice. Plus, I like doing it. I must stop spending money to get more resources and work with what I have though, seeing that I'm still in "Broke-land".
Next weekend, for Father's Day, our cell group's gonna form a band!! That'll be so cool. I suspect they enjoy doing things like these, but they need to be pushed.
It's 2 more weeks to the Bangkok trip!! And 5 more weeks to my last and final day!!
Monday, June 12, 2006
Moving On
I have decided to move on in my career. The few days preceeding to resignation is stressful at best. The time of my resignation was like a huge boulder being removed from my shoulders.
But the time after my resignation proved to be the worst. I'm bracing myself to things that could get worse than "worst". However, the treatment I'm getting has made me see many things about the people that now still surround me:-
1) that certain people do not take kindly to resignations. They see it as you waging war against them rather than you just moving on to something better for you;
2) that when something is intended to be purely professional, certain people tend to take it personally;
3) that somehow, people do not know how to accept your decision on something, especially when they can't understand it.
While conversing with a friend today, I am being reminded of something. Perhaps this is a good time for me to spend with God instead of wasting my time doing nothing. Plus, I can't go for the sales coz I'm rather broke. What a great opportunity to renew my strength and refresh my faith!!
Uncle H said over the weekend in church that we need to pen down our life purposes, mission and our personal statement. I think I shall go think about it right now.
But the time after my resignation proved to be the worst. I'm bracing myself to things that could get worse than "worst". However, the treatment I'm getting has made me see many things about the people that now still surround me:-
1) that certain people do not take kindly to resignations. They see it as you waging war against them rather than you just moving on to something better for you;
2) that when something is intended to be purely professional, certain people tend to take it personally;
3) that somehow, people do not know how to accept your decision on something, especially when they can't understand it.
While conversing with a friend today, I am being reminded of something. Perhaps this is a good time for me to spend with God instead of wasting my time doing nothing. Plus, I can't go for the sales coz I'm rather broke. What a great opportunity to renew my strength and refresh my faith!!
Uncle H said over the weekend in church that we need to pen down our life purposes, mission and our personal statement. I think I shall go think about it right now.
Friday, March 24, 2006
Tip of the Mountain
Ever had one of those periods of time in your life when everything's green and rosy and you think life is really great, thank God that He gave you wisdom to be good at what you do and for the life you have and the place He has put you?
But at the back of your head, you are thinking this is really too good to be true, one day, something will crumble (coz that's how life works - God didn't give us a bed of roses coz that'll just make us stupid) and will go wrong. You are waiting and waiting and praying that it will not be a huge wrong, it'll just be a teeny wrong and you'll be able to rectify it in time and things will get back to the normal great life God has granted you.
And then, it happens, and it happens to be something more than you can take.
For me, that is today.
Know what's worse than being reprimanded for something you know you don't deserve? Being reprimanded for something you DO deserve, coz that just makes you think you CAN actually be quite stupid.
In my head, I know it's a mistake I had to make at some point to be better in the future but I didn't know it will make me feel so terrible. It feels as if people can't trust you anymore (forget about the zillions of times you had things right, that doesn't count.. sorry), you can't concentrate on anything until it passes, and it won't pass just like that.
I keep telling myself, I'm going to learn from this and never make the same mistake again. But the repercussions are rather huge to just dismiss this as 'something for me to learn'. And the kind of feeling it creates (I'm a foolish feeler, eventhough I sometimes tell myself to stay focussed on the matter, not how I feel about it) makes it seem as if this is the end of me, my career, and the good impression I've attempted to create so far.
Even if my "reprimand-or" (if there is such a word) says she forgives me, I'm not sure I'm going to be able to "be ok" about it.
One day, I'm going to look back and realize that God allowed this to happen so that I can become wiser (and not stay stupid). And I'm going to thank God for that.
But for now, I've gotta go downhill for a while (coz I've reached the tip of the mountain, and the only way is down), not knowing when the end of 'downhill' will be. While I'm going downhill, I shall just trust in God's strength to pull me through, as He always does.
Now, to get rid of this sickly feeling......
But at the back of your head, you are thinking this is really too good to be true, one day, something will crumble (coz that's how life works - God didn't give us a bed of roses coz that'll just make us stupid) and will go wrong. You are waiting and waiting and praying that it will not be a huge wrong, it'll just be a teeny wrong and you'll be able to rectify it in time and things will get back to the normal great life God has granted you.
And then, it happens, and it happens to be something more than you can take.
For me, that is today.
Know what's worse than being reprimanded for something you know you don't deserve? Being reprimanded for something you DO deserve, coz that just makes you think you CAN actually be quite stupid.
In my head, I know it's a mistake I had to make at some point to be better in the future but I didn't know it will make me feel so terrible. It feels as if people can't trust you anymore (forget about the zillions of times you had things right, that doesn't count.. sorry), you can't concentrate on anything until it passes, and it won't pass just like that.
I keep telling myself, I'm going to learn from this and never make the same mistake again. But the repercussions are rather huge to just dismiss this as 'something for me to learn'. And the kind of feeling it creates (I'm a foolish feeler, eventhough I sometimes tell myself to stay focussed on the matter, not how I feel about it) makes it seem as if this is the end of me, my career, and the good impression I've attempted to create so far.
Even if my "reprimand-or" (if there is such a word) says she forgives me, I'm not sure I'm going to be able to "be ok" about it.
One day, I'm going to look back and realize that God allowed this to happen so that I can become wiser (and not stay stupid). And I'm going to thank God for that.
But for now, I've gotta go downhill for a while (coz I've reached the tip of the mountain, and the only way is down), not knowing when the end of 'downhill' will be. While I'm going downhill, I shall just trust in God's strength to pull me through, as He always does.
Now, to get rid of this sickly feeling......
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Sufficient Grace
Dearest Lord,
You told me yesterday that Your grace is sufficient for me. Daily, Your grace is sufficient. You do not give me the answers for tomorrow but You give me grace for today because you want me to learn something bigger than this.
Today, things have become worse, and it has become even more frustrating. I don't know what to ask for - whether for help so things are better or for change in myself so that I become stronger.
Everything seems to have failed. Nothing is working; there is no forseeable help from those around me.
I'm so tempted to ask why. Why now, why me?
This is getting so hard to take in, Lord. Please help.
You told me yesterday that Your grace is sufficient for me. Daily, Your grace is sufficient. You do not give me the answers for tomorrow but You give me grace for today because you want me to learn something bigger than this.
Today, things have become worse, and it has become even more frustrating. I don't know what to ask for - whether for help so things are better or for change in myself so that I become stronger.
Everything seems to have failed. Nothing is working; there is no forseeable help from those around me.
I'm so tempted to ask why. Why now, why me?
This is getting so hard to take in, Lord. Please help.
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