"Boundaries"

I once told a very good friend that I am a people pleaser (not an out of control one, thankfully). He then gave me a book called "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. I've recently started reading it, and it is really good; very informative indeed. It's supposed to help people understand that it is actually biblical to say no and to have our own boundaries.

Well, I'm only at Chapter Two, and this really spoke to me:-

(at page 43) "Our model is God. He does not really 'set limits' on people to 'make them' behave. God sets standards, but He lets people be who they are and then separates Himself from them when they misbehave, saying in effect, "You can be that way if you choose, but you cannot come into My house." Heaven is a place for the repentant, and all are welcome.

But God limits His exposure to evil, unrepentant people, as we should be. Scripture is full of admonitions to separate ourselves from people who act in destructive ways (Matt 18:15-17; 1 Cor 5:9-13). We are not being unloving. Separating ourselves protects love, because we are taking a stand against things that destroy love." (emphasis added)

I used to feel really guilty for saying no to someone, especially when I thought I am supposed to be a 'good Christian' and help as much as possible. How foolish of me! If doing that is burdensome and leads to resentment, that cannot be what God intended.

On a different thought pattern....

(at page 46) ".... we need to make sure that we are communicating our thoughts to others. Many people think that others should be able to read their minds and know what they want. This leads to frustration. Even Paul says, 'For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him?' (1 Cor 2:11). What a great statement about boundaries! We have our own thoughts, and if we want others to know them, we must tell them".

How true, how true!! ESPECIALLY when it comes to romantic relationships. I must say, I told myself a long time ago that I must tell people what I want and never expect them to play the guessing game. I shall not subject my poor ol' boyfriend to such torture. All that talk about girls saying one thing and meaning another; that won't happen to me.

Easier said than done!! So yes, I do subject my poor ol' boyfriend to such guessing games. Poor baby... ah well, the complicated mind of a woman (sorry sweetie!). But like I always say, I try. Ideally, be honest with each other. Mistakes will happen; that's when we learn from them. And I'm still learning.

Friends for life

When I got ill recently, I realized that I've got friends who really do care and think of me. Some, I don't see very often even. Others whose numbers I don't even bother to save on my phone or write down. It's amazing. It encourages me a great deal, and makes me wanna hit myself for complaining that I'm giving so much and receiving little.

Then there are other people whom I thought my real friends, but I hardly hear a hoot from them. Isn't it strange how relationships go? Just goes to prove that we actually don't know that much (not even if we have a doctorate). Much of life and the way things are are beyond our control, but never beyond God's (THANKFULLY!!!).

I think I'm beginning to be more of a 'solitary' person. Socializing with new people sometimes terrifies me. So, if any of you out there have met me for the first time and really thought I was stuck up or didn't really have a good first impression, have mercy!! It's just me being shy and unwilling to put up that effort to be nice at that time. But I'm nice :) (right????)

Thanks Adeline for the word of encouragement. I know I could count on you. You're a gem.

And now... back to work (sob sob sob...)

So many thoughts, so little time

After much thinking and deliberation, I've decided to create a blog. What with people of ALL ages having these, it's hard not to participate and see what this thing is about. So here I am....... still exploring... still skeptical, but willing to try....

I realize that there are so many things running on my mind, and I've always wanted to write them down, but never always equipt with my journal and perhaps, not finding time to sit down and organize them. So, this could be a solution... we'll see.

This week, I've had a sudden 'miss-attack' (that's what I call them) i.e. missing the time I was in England and was fully independant. Probably also because I fell ill last weekend - I blame it on our weather. Sometimes, I wish I could be in England for a longer time, perhaps work there, until I feel so homesick I won't want to go back. But the thought scares me. I'm pretty sure God wants me back here - He gave me no choice when I had to come back 2 years ago. But still.... the feeling of wanting to break away from life here can be overwhelming.

I finished Elijah House last weekend. It was a great learning experience for me. Gave me much to think about. About how people are, and how sensitive our souls are. How small things affect us so much even when we don't realize it. But even with the knowledge of this, we can't be careful either. We have to live life as God intends, choices, consequences and all. That's the way God moulds our characters to be strong men and women for Him.

Thankfully, work hasn't been too hectic. I am thankful for this job, and there are many reasons for it (which is another long story for another time). So, I have been able to keep in touch with friends I have not contacted in ages. It is nice. How we connect with each other in different ways.

So, nothing really interesting so far. Nothing huge. And that would be all this time around.