"Boundaries"

I once told a very good friend that I am a people pleaser (not an out of control one, thankfully). He then gave me a book called "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. I've recently started reading it, and it is really good; very informative indeed. It's supposed to help people understand that it is actually biblical to say no and to have our own boundaries.

Well, I'm only at Chapter Two, and this really spoke to me:-

(at page 43) "Our model is God. He does not really 'set limits' on people to 'make them' behave. God sets standards, but He lets people be who they are and then separates Himself from them when they misbehave, saying in effect, "You can be that way if you choose, but you cannot come into My house." Heaven is a place for the repentant, and all are welcome.

But God limits His exposure to evil, unrepentant people, as we should be. Scripture is full of admonitions to separate ourselves from people who act in destructive ways (Matt 18:15-17; 1 Cor 5:9-13). We are not being unloving. Separating ourselves protects love, because we are taking a stand against things that destroy love." (emphasis added)

I used to feel really guilty for saying no to someone, especially when I thought I am supposed to be a 'good Christian' and help as much as possible. How foolish of me! If doing that is burdensome and leads to resentment, that cannot be what God intended.

On a different thought pattern....

(at page 46) ".... we need to make sure that we are communicating our thoughts to others. Many people think that others should be able to read their minds and know what they want. This leads to frustration. Even Paul says, 'For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him?' (1 Cor 2:11). What a great statement about boundaries! We have our own thoughts, and if we want others to know them, we must tell them".

How true, how true!! ESPECIALLY when it comes to romantic relationships. I must say, I told myself a long time ago that I must tell people what I want and never expect them to play the guessing game. I shall not subject my poor ol' boyfriend to such torture. All that talk about girls saying one thing and meaning another; that won't happen to me.

Easier said than done!! So yes, I do subject my poor ol' boyfriend to such guessing games. Poor baby... ah well, the complicated mind of a woman (sorry sweetie!). But like I always say, I try. Ideally, be honest with each other. Mistakes will happen; that's when we learn from them. And I'm still learning.