I have 2 friends who are very dear to me who have recently decided to part ways. When I heard of it, I wasn't sure what I could do to make them feel better. I was sad, of course, but I also trusted in them that their painful decision was made in mutual respect for each other and after much thought.
It reminded me of the time I broke up with my first ever boyfriend. We went out for 3 months or so. I was quite sure I loved him, and he loved me too. For the first time, I had liked someone who had reciprocated. It was the most wonderful feeling.
But I also knew it wasn't quite right. Even so, the wonderful feeling did not go away. I cared very much for him, as I believed he did me. It wasn't right because he wasn't a Christian and I knew he could not then share my faith and my thoughts nor my love for God. After endless nights of praying in tears and thinking until I felt like my head was going to burst, I decided to end it, although I knew in my heart I was going to hurt him really badly and I could not make him understand why. It felt like I was tearing up something so dear to my heart, and it hurt really badly.
That wasn't the end of course. I was aware that I had to live the consequences of my decision. The consequences wasn't surprising - I cried myself to sleep every day for 3 whole months (trust me, I counted). One part of me was sure I did the right thing. The other part of me hurt like hell. I wish I could explain how sorry I was that I hurt him so badly, but that wasn't going to be enough to take away the pain.
Today, I look back, and I thank God that He carried me through that painful time. I am sure I made the right decision. Today, he and I are good friends, and it is easy for us to pick up from where we left of, as friends. Today, he is happy for me whenever I have good news, and I have the same sentiments when he goes through something good. I invited him to my wedding, and he is ecstatic about it.
Which brings me back to my 2 very dear friends. Truth be told, it took a lot of courage to decide what they have decided. It is sad, but I am even sadder to hear of people who pass comments on who was right and who was wrong and who was immature and who wasn't thinking clearly and who is the victim and who is to be pitied. When I broke up with my ex boyfriend, those comments only made things worse, because it adds burden to the already difficult consequences.
The truth is, we will never really know what my 2 friends went through. At the end of the day, whatever decisions they make, they will be the ones who have to live the consequences. It is not for us to pass those comments because it is not us who will have to live the consequences.
God place us where we are to love the people He loves. Our job is to love and respect people, not to feel emotions for them. Certainly not to be the judge of who is right or wrong, nor judge what should be their right decisions. My job, where my 2 friends are concerned, is to be there for them as they brace the painful consequences themselves and to assure them that God will carry them through. I wish more people will understand that.
If you are reading this and you know who I am talking about, I'd like to ask you to stop talking about the decision (if you are) and stop indulging in such conversations with other people. Stop talking about who is right or wrong, or how it should be, because that's not our job. Instead, channel your energy to care for them and be there for them, because they need friends, not judges. Pray for them, that they'll be able to sort themselves out and especially, that in this process, they'll be able to draw themselves closer to God.
Simply because, God told us to love our neighbours. It's not rocket science, really.
It reminded me of the time I broke up with my first ever boyfriend. We went out for 3 months or so. I was quite sure I loved him, and he loved me too. For the first time, I had liked someone who had reciprocated. It was the most wonderful feeling.
But I also knew it wasn't quite right. Even so, the wonderful feeling did not go away. I cared very much for him, as I believed he did me. It wasn't right because he wasn't a Christian and I knew he could not then share my faith and my thoughts nor my love for God. After endless nights of praying in tears and thinking until I felt like my head was going to burst, I decided to end it, although I knew in my heart I was going to hurt him really badly and I could not make him understand why. It felt like I was tearing up something so dear to my heart, and it hurt really badly.
That wasn't the end of course. I was aware that I had to live the consequences of my decision. The consequences wasn't surprising - I cried myself to sleep every day for 3 whole months (trust me, I counted). One part of me was sure I did the right thing. The other part of me hurt like hell. I wish I could explain how sorry I was that I hurt him so badly, but that wasn't going to be enough to take away the pain.
Today, I look back, and I thank God that He carried me through that painful time. I am sure I made the right decision. Today, he and I are good friends, and it is easy for us to pick up from where we left of, as friends. Today, he is happy for me whenever I have good news, and I have the same sentiments when he goes through something good. I invited him to my wedding, and he is ecstatic about it.
Which brings me back to my 2 very dear friends. Truth be told, it took a lot of courage to decide what they have decided. It is sad, but I am even sadder to hear of people who pass comments on who was right and who was wrong and who was immature and who wasn't thinking clearly and who is the victim and who is to be pitied. When I broke up with my ex boyfriend, those comments only made things worse, because it adds burden to the already difficult consequences.
The truth is, we will never really know what my 2 friends went through. At the end of the day, whatever decisions they make, they will be the ones who have to live the consequences. It is not for us to pass those comments because it is not us who will have to live the consequences.
God place us where we are to love the people He loves. Our job is to love and respect people, not to feel emotions for them. Certainly not to be the judge of who is right or wrong, nor judge what should be their right decisions. My job, where my 2 friends are concerned, is to be there for them as they brace the painful consequences themselves and to assure them that God will carry them through. I wish more people will understand that.
If you are reading this and you know who I am talking about, I'd like to ask you to stop talking about the decision (if you are) and stop indulging in such conversations with other people. Stop talking about who is right or wrong, or how it should be, because that's not our job. Instead, channel your energy to care for them and be there for them, because they need friends, not judges. Pray for them, that they'll be able to sort themselves out and especially, that in this process, they'll be able to draw themselves closer to God.
Simply because, God told us to love our neighbours. It's not rocket science, really.
1 comment:
Gosh I am SOOOOO grateful you brought that up! It's my feelings exactly. What's that passage from the Bible now? "Judge not, lest thou be judged"?
What we need to give is a lot of love, understanding, and forgiveness.
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