Activities Overload

Camp was indeed good. I was praying for the right attitude and to rebuke bad thoughts. I didn't exactly 'feel' as if I had the right attitude, but God spoke anyways as He always does.

Team building was a success, by God's grace. We worked fairly hard, I guess, given the time we had. But it was good. We really tortured and worked people out. In the end, it was all about good fun and team spirit. It's not really who wins, but how much you've gotten to know someone through working together.

God really stirred my heart. I told God I am tired of making excuses for not spending time with Him. I really really desired to be intimate with Him. I cried my heart out - Help me focus on You! I don't want to make excuses anymore. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of taking You for granted.

For a moment, it felt like God had 'abandoned' me, although I know better. I felt nothing. I cried to God, but God did not show me anything. He did not 'speak' to me.

Then, when Pastor Daniel (who has no idea who I am nor what I do in church) prayed for me, he asked God to remove all the stuff I was doing in church ("activities") and focus on being intimate with Him, because after all that is said and done, my relationship with Him matters most. That open the floodgates (literally) and I knew God was speaking to my heart. He knew I was struggling to have that time with Him, feeling guilty and all.

So I made a commitment to God, that I will make the conscious effort to make time with Him a priority. After all, we have all the rest of the time to do other less important stuff. I am tired to hearing testimonies but not experiencing them.

All these seem so trivial for a 'long time Christian' but when one is going through it, it's a big thing.

So yes. By grace, all is well.

By grace, I am sunburnt but am still considered fair. This is the vain me speaking ;-) (Have you any idea how hard it is to find the right make up once you've "changed colour"??)